Search the Galaxy // Poe Dameron

enter

Until I joined the Resistance and settled on D'Qar, I lived a majority of my life alone. I hopped from planet to planet. I waited for a trigger to cause an episode, then I would head to the next planet. The only planet I frequently returned to was Yavin 4, whenever Poe called to say he missed me.

Someone in the galaxy might consider my instant returns for him to be a nice gesture. Dozens across the galaxy would find my action thoroughly unbelievable. Of the people I've encountered in my life, I haven't made decent impressions. I couldn't be kind, I couldn't be approachable, I couldn't be friendly.

I had to let those traits associate with Poe. In our friendship, he was the light and I was the dark. Naturally, we found a balance between each other. It kept us together.

Before I met Poe, the path fate laid for me was clear. Going to the dark side wasn't a choice; it was destiny. I held no control over my own life.

Poe never bothered to ask why I was in the depths of the jungle the day we met. I was searching for poisonous berries. The force, the overshadowing darkness-- I didn't want it. I didn't want to fight it. All the force had brought to me was pain for myself and the people around me. I went into the jungle to end it.

Then, a twenty year old Poe Dameron swung from the sky by a vine. Our bodies collided, and I saw absolute red. I tried to kill him. I was close, maybe a couple seconds away from succeeding, when he choked out the words that saved our lives: "You don't want to do this!" and I was thrown back into control.

I didn't. I didn't want to kill him. The darkness did. It was aggravated, and it used my body to end the irritation. Those words were the first things to ever bring me back. Poe showed me that I could still be reached during the dark hold. And I believed that was worth living a little longer for.

Poe once said he stuck around because in the moments I tried to murder him, he saw a chance. He designated himself to act on the sliver of good my life. Years before we joined the Resistance, he spent all of our time together teaching me to embrace the dark side, rather than be afraid of it.

I often remembered his lessons, but it wasn't as though my triggers were easy to pull on base. Moves against the First Order couldn't be made, as we were outnumbered. Being in the Resistance meant patience. For regular troops, every year was filled with excessive boredom.

I couldn't be blamed for jumping at the chance to leave the planet, especially for a mission with Poe. But blame sided with me when it came to his death. It was my hesitation to leave that caused our escape plan to fail, my hesitation that made Poe anoint himself with the duty to save save me from an encounter with Kylo Ren.

Losing the light of my life was the first crack in the barrier around my force. It was the first sign that my detour to the light side wasn't meant to last.

The unintentionally used lightning served as a sign to prove said point. One side of the force controlled lightning; I knew what it meant.

Along with Poe went my anchor to the light side. Losing him meant losing the part of me that was inspired to fight for control. His death meant losing what was fight left for me.

"Enna?" called Finn, approaching. "You awake?"

"I wouldn't come too close," I said. I sat up from the cushioned booth. Finn thought I didn't notice his nod of total agreement. "You heard?"

"Saw," he corrected.

"Sorry you witnessed it."

He gave an awkward nod. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"How did you know Poe?" he asked abruptly.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why do you need to know?"

"Just trying to clear your head," he muttered defensively. When I stayed quiet, he asked, "Were you two together?"

"Whatever we had died with him," I said flatly.

"Sorry."

"So was I."

"Was?" echoed Finn. "No, Enna, I think he's--"

A jolt from the Falcon cut his sentence short. Han and Chewbacca killed the engines.

I placed my weapons into their holsters and tied my jacket around my waist. Finn trailed behind me on the walk to the platform. "Listen, Enna, I think I can help you."

"I guarantee it's a lost cause," I said. On the concrete of the base, I turned to him. "Don't come after me, Finn. You'll only get yourself hurt."

But Finn believed I wasn't dangerous, because I was able to warn him. He lunged for my hand.

On any other day, it wouldn't have caused a scene. However, the recently woken dark side was on a short leash. The brush of Finn's fingers against my skin kicked me from control.

The change in my body language was enough for Finn to understand his fault. "Enna, please, just let me help you," he pleaded. Shakily, he extended his hand to me.

I didn't hesitate to use my forearm to knock his arm back, then jump-kick his open chest. He hit the pavement roughly. I approached his pathetically crawling body, I wrapped my hands around his throat, and I squeezed.

Finn didn't stop trying to reach me. "Enna, this isn't you! I don't know you well, but--"

"--fortunately, I do!" yelled another. "And I know that you don't want to do this."

Poe.

Poe.