Color Blind

Chapter 19

I nodded. Even though Lafayette's words were painfully blunt, they were also painfully true. I'd always valued his opinion greatly, mostly because he never said anything unless it needed to be said. Lafayette wasn't the type that you would just hear talking for no reason, so every time he opened his mouth to say anything at all, I made it a point to listen.

"Ok," I sighed again tiredly. "I'll talk to him."

Just the thought of having to sit down and actually have "the talk" with Scott made my heart beat a mile a minute. It was something that I had been avoiding for years, and by that time, I didn't even know how to bring the conversation up.

"Good." Lafayette nodded, satisfied, and I knew that he wouldn't bring it up again, unless he found out that I still insisted on jerking Scott's heart around, even after we both agreed that I shouldn't. "So," he continued, "now I have to talk to you about somethin' else."

His official tone was killing me. I felt like I was talking to my daddy. "What?"

"Well, I haven't been able to come up here as much as I thought I would since I moved to Miami, so I'm never around you long enough to see if you're just puttin' up that smile for company or if you're really, truly happy."

He caught me off guard. Without thinking, I smiled again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how ya doin'? I know you have a habit of hidin' thangs until you just can't deal wit' 'em no more. Are you ok? Have you been goin' ta therapy? Are you still on those pills?" He leaned onto the table. "Have you even been out on a date this year?"

I chuckled, and then answered his questions one at a time.

"I'm fine, a little tired maybe. Sometimes I still get sad about my mom, and sometimes I even still have nightmares..."

I didn't want to tell him that I still had them all the time. That was a big part of why I was always so tired.

"But I'm ok. I've worked through a whole lot of stuff, and yes I still see Dr. Tarver, but only when I need to. The pills she prescribed weren't the kind that you just take for the rest of your life, so I got off of those a long time ago." I paused, then asked, "So why do you want to know whether I've been dating or not?"

"Just askin'."

He looked away, but I knew why.

"Lafayette, do you think that after all this time I still don't want to be with Scott because of what happened with Lucky almost nine years ago?"

"Man...hell if I know, Rica. I'm usually pretty good about readin' people, but you're a hard one to figure out. I'm thinkin' maybe it reminds you too much of old shit to be around Scott and that's why you still can't get wit' him like that."

"No..." I had to think for a minute. "No. That's not it at all. I had my time to freak out about what happened, even if it was way after the fact, but I haven't even thought about that...in a while. That was all a long time ago, Lafayette."

"So...now that you've successfully evaded my question...twice, you gonna answer me or not shorty?"

"Dang Lafayette! Why you all up in my business?"

"Because I'm worried about you. You don't act as bad as you used to, but it seems like you're still afraid of people gettin' too close to you. That's not good for ya, beh-be."

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the thought of this still hard, reformed thug trying to tell me that I needed to open up to people.

"Man, you worry too much. I can take care of myself."