Supernatural Imagines

lost / castiel

Imagine: you've been secretly hiding your depression to the boys. One day, you become so depressed, cas notices, and decides to help you.

*TRIGGER WARNING*
-suicidal thoughts
-self harm references

-

"Are you sure you don't wanna come with us?" Sam asked for the fourth time. You wanted to join them on the hunt, but you couldn't seem to get yourself up. And you knew exactly why.

"Yeah. Thanks anyway." You mumbled as you rolled over, facing the opposite way, hoping they wouldn't notice your sad voice.

"Okay, see you tonight." Sam said before closing the door. You tried to get some more sleep, considering it was 8 a.m. but you tossed and turned for hours. You looked up at the ceiling.

"What did I do to deserve this?" You asked yourself. Referring to your depression. About a year ago, you were seriously hurt, so you were at the hospital for a few days. While there, you decided to confirm wether or not you had depression. sure you had your suspicions, but when the doctor came back with the results you asked for, you didn't expect him to say you'd have to take medication for your 'severe depression'. You never spoke about it again. And you didn't even bother to get medication

But lately, it's been getting worse and worse. You always felt like you were carrying a weight around, but it seemed to get heavier and heavier. Every passing day haunted you.

You glanced at the clock to see it was 11 a.m. You sighed as you finally dragged yourself out of bed. Your stomach growled, but you weren't hungry. All you could think of is how this illness was starting to take a toll on you. Sam and Dean never showed their emotions, so why should you? You thought you could handle it, alone. Your whole life you held everything by yourself. But you've come to realize, you can't hold the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You stalked into the bathroom. You stared at yourself in the mirror.

"I hate you." You muttered. "I HATE YOU!" You screamed. "You're a freak. Ugly. Fat." You criticized yourself. Tears flew down from your eyes.

You went to the desk you had in the motel room and quickly got your pocketknife out. You twirled it around with three fingers, debating wether or not to make the first cut.

You let a loud sob escape.

"Please. God end this now." You whispered.

Suddenly, A deep voice said,

"Y/N?" You turned around to see Castiel. The innocent angel.

"Nows not a good time." You sniffled.

"Why did you pray for God to kill you?" Cas questioned.

"I-it's nothing." You said.

"Dean taught me a few things about people. He said "never let a pretty lady cry"." You scoffed.

"Why are you telling me this? I am no where near beautiful." You mumbled.

"What? How could you think so negative about yourself? I see what you do to yourself, you tear yourself apart Y/N. But why?" Castiel pushed.

You were suddenly furious. "Cas! You can't do anything for me! Please! Kill me or leave!" You screamed. You finally cracked. Broken. You sobbed into your hands.

You felt warm arms wrap around you.

"What is wrong?" Cas asked.

"I'm lost, Cas. I don't know where to go or where to turn to. I'm scared. No one will listen to me, I can't keep suffering like this-" your Y/E/C eyes stared into his blue orbs.

"It is okay Y/N. I'm here. Sam and Dean will listen. But you can not lock your feelings away. It is not healthy." Castiel explained.

"I know..b-but Sam and Dean always keep their emotions in." you told Cas.

"I have seen them cry hundreds of times...you know why? It is because they are human." He pulled away and looked into your eyes. "I don't know much about humans, but I know they have emotions, no matter how you try to hide them. You may seem lost now, but I can guide you. I will always be here." You couldn't contain yourself anymore. You smashed your lips into his.

Castiel was stiff at first, probably confused on what was happening, but after, your lips moved perfectly in sync. You felt your problems go away, only for the minute you were together. You pulled away gasping for air.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I should've told someone."

"Promise me you will let me guide you. Show you the way, take your hand and lead you. I do not want you to be lost."

"I promise."

-

wowow the feels, anyway it's like 3 a.m #sorrynotsorry

tbh this isn't anything compared to what I could write. there are days where I get all poetic and stuff

anyway love yous