Marxie's Guide to Ruining Your Life

A Grand Mission

"Marxie, I want the Diamond of the West. I want you to go get it now." I blink, and smack my ears to make sure that they're working properly. "You want what?" I say. I knew that my hirer had high ambitions, and he did say that there would be a lot of danger involved right before I signed my contract, but I didn't think that he would try to get me killed.

"I'm sorry, did I stutter?" he asks in that sardonic way of his. I reach out my arm to punch his royal sarcasticness, but a faint glitter stops me. The bracelet that I had just bought with my payment for stealing the Mona Lisa glitters on my arm, reminding me that this is a paying job. I am the servant and Andrew is my hirer. Stealing the Diamond of the West will benefit me too.

"When do you want it, and how do you plan on me being able to steal it," I ask after I have regained my senses. "First of all you'll need these," he says throwing me a folded stack of clothing. After unfolding them, I see that it's an Eagle's uniform, the highest branch of the American military. I blow a piece of scarlet colored hair out of my face. "You want me to pretend to be an Eagle? You do understand that that's a lot harder than pretending to be a security officer, don't you?" Andrew lashes out like a snake. "Of course, I understand! Do you take me for a fool? The highest precautions have been put into place to assure that this mission doesn't fail. That, however, is only if you don't allow it to fail."

High, girlish laughter sounds from above us and we stop talking. This is the downside of meeting in a tunnel. Someone could always stumble upon the wrong conversation at the wrong time, and this was one of those times. However, it did have its advantages too. Down here, we could just be two thieves planning our next theft. There was no identity tied to either of us right now as there was in the world above. Andrew could be Andrew, and I could be Marxie. Our civilian names and lives could be abandoned and resumed whenever we desired. The laughter passes and we resume our conversation.

"How do I get to the base?" A stray beam of light from a passing car lands on Andrew's pale face. "Oh, that's the easy part," he says as he reaches into his black bomber jacket. His hand clutches a manila file that he shakes at me. "Caroline Watson. Did you know she's been missing?" In a sliver of light, I see him quirk his eyebrow at me. As a matter of fact I do know that she is missing. Its been the talk of the news ever since yesterday. Her ebony curls and emerald eyes have been imprinted into the brain of every person in the world. The lost general of the Eagles who vanished in thin air from her post. I of all people can't forget Caroline. She appears to be my doppelgänger in almost everyway. If it wasn't for my fiery hair and grey eyes, she could be my twin. What was it that twins sometimes did? Andrew's plan for stealing the Diamond was becoming all too clear. A startling thought occurs to me. "Oh no. You didn't..." I murmur. Although our tunnel is dark, I can imagine the arrogant smile spreading over his face."Did I kidnap her, make her disappear? No, I'm afraid not. Some things are simply convenient coincidences." I unleash a breath that I didn't know that I was holding. I may have an occupation as a hired thief, but even I have some morals.

"I'm sure that its clear to you now that you will be assuming her identity." "Crystal," I say. "All I have to do is alert the military that you've been spotted. They will take you to the base. All of the information that you will need is in here. Meet me back here in two days." He shoves the file into my hand and then fishes something out of the pocket of his jacket. I'm soon holding a small bottle and a tiny case. Hair dye and colored contact lens, I deduce. I hear Andrew's footprints receding down the tunnel, just as they always do at the end of our meetings. "Wait" I call as loudly as I can without yelling. He's far away, thanks to his long legs. "How am I supposed to explain my disappearance? How am I suppose to identify all of her comrades that I know absolutely nothing about?" I hear a huff of irritation. "As I said before, everything that you need is in the file." With that, the footsteps start again and I'm left standing in the tunnels to sort out my newfound mess.

I soon find out that the file does contain everything. I carefully read through Caroline's history starting from the moment of her birth through her recent disappearance. I wonder briefly how it is that Andrew manages to collect this information, but I stuff that question right back where it came from. I know nothing about Andrew, not even his real name. In half an hour I know that Caroline was given the position of the Eagle general in 2020, this year, after serving as a lieutenant in the Eagles for three exceptional years. She was born in 1997, two years before me. Both of her parents are deceased. She has four brothers named John, Cameron, Kyle, and Ryan. Unfortunately, there aren't any personal family memories listed in the folder, so I have to cross my fingers that Caroline is estranged from all of her brothers.

By the next morning, I'm a black haired beauty with eyes the color of spring leaves. I'm also wearing the black and gold Eagle's uniform (that's slightly too large) customized with a forgery of Caroline's general pin, and sitting in one of the many safe houses that Andrew has spread throughout California. I reach for my trusty wristwatch that I keep stored in my pocket, and quickly jerk back my hand. I had forgotten that I had to burn off my fingerprints "just in case" Andrew had said, that the military officials wanted to check my fingerprint. I pick the watch back up. It's 9:59 A.M. Andrew's letter advised me that the military would be alerted to my location at 9:30, and would probably arrive at 10:00. I tell myself that I'll be able to pull off my disguise. After all, before my Mona Lisa stint, Andrew had walked me through a one week course on disguise and impersonation. Regardless of this fact, my stomach twists uncomfortably, and I suddenly feel an almost overwhelming feeling of anxiety. It passes. I steel myself with thoughts of how rich I'm about to be.

Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop.

The military helicopter arrives just as planned, and I stumble out with one hand shielding my eyes from the hot sun. "Caroline Watson, come out with your hands up!!! We have you surrounded." I immediately throw my hands above my head, and school my face into a look of nonchalance. Two black clad officers rush up to me and begin to frisk me. A puffy and red, baby faced man grabs my arms and yanks them back, slapping on a pair of handcuffs in the process. In five split seconds, the man's face is directly in front of mine, and I can smell the anchovies that he had for lunch. "WATSON, YOU ABANDONED YOUR POST! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOURSELF!!!" I want to answer, "What do you have to say about your breath?" but I feel that would ruin my mission because Caroline would probably never show such blatant disrespect for one of her superiors, so I, grudgingly, admit instead that "I cracked." "YOU WHAT?" "I cracked under pressure. I had to leave to collect myself." For a moment Baby Face is so puffy and fiery that I'm sure that he's about to explode. However, the moment passes and I'm out of luck. "DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ENDANGERED EVERY MEMBER ON YOUR TEAM, AND NOT TO MENTION THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY?!!! YOU'RE LUCKY THAT CAPTAIN RODGERS STOOD UP IN YOUR DEFENCE!!! ANY MORE MISTAKES ON YOUR BEHALF WILL RESULT IN YOUR EXPULSION FROM THE AMERICAN MILITARY! AM I CLEAR?!!!"

Several thoughts rocket through my mind, but I manage to produce a solid "CHRYSTAL." Baby Face seems to relax. I guess that it must be more trouble than its worth to train a new officer to protect the Diamond when you have one that has served faithfully for the last four years. That alone is testament to the weight of Caroline's name in this place. I will really have to be careful not to give myself away. The other thoughts all surround Captain Rodgers. What is he to Caroline? Boyfriend, enemy, faithful confidant? So much rides on their relationship. Is this someone who will recognize me as an imposter? One thing is for sure, I'm going to stay as far away from him as possible.