Sweetest Goodbye

SG. 8 - Akin lang

                  

LUMUHOD ako sa harapan niya. I don't know his reaction but damn, I just want to get through this. I don't want this feelings. I just want this to be over. Ang ayoko sa lahat ay nagmumukha akong tanga para sa isang bagay na hindi naman magtatagal. Alam kong iiwan rin naman ako ni Ignacio. He may look different but I know that deep inside, he's just like those men that I have dated before. Kapag nakuha na niya ang gusto niya ay magsasawa rin siya. Pero hindi naman ako ganoong Katanga para ibigay sa kanya ang sarili ko. I will never give up my virginity for someone who'll leave me hanging.

"Hya, stand up." Wika niya. I could hear the restraint in his voice. I held his hips by my left hand, my right hand went straight to his fly. I'm slowly unzipping it but then, he pushed me away. Napaupo ako sa sahig.

That was when I looked up. I saw his face, his reaction and I realized how mad he was. His face was cherry red while his lips form a straight line. His eyes were dark. Nakakuyom ang mga palad niya.

"Fix yourself." Malamig na wika niya nang magsalita siya. "I'm taking you home." Tumalikod siya at nagtungo sa kung saan. Ako naman ay hindi napigilan ang pag-iyak. Sundod-sunod na nalaglag ang mga luha ko sa aking pisngi. Inayos ko ang sarili ko pero hindi ko na siya hinintay I left his unit thinking that I will never ever comeback. I will never try to contact Ignacio or even look at him.

Doon na lang siya kay Alyza Landi. Mas bagay silang dalawa.

I was crying. I walked around the city with tears in my eyes. Kapag may nasasalubong ako ay para bang nike-kwestyon nila kung bakit ako umiiyak sa pamamagitan ng mga makahulugang tingin nila sa akin. Wala akong pakialam. I settled on the bench inside the park. Ang sabi ko ay lalayo ako pero hindi naman ako makalayo. Naroon lang ako sa park, seven blocks away from his residential building. I was crying so hard. I needed someone to talk to and I have no friends.

I have no friends. Ayoko kasi ng drama at saka iniisip ko nab aka nakikipagkaibigan lang sila sa akin because of my surname and my family's reputation. Ayos na ako na si Hyan ang best friend ko but right now she's not available so I'm alone and I had no one to call but my father so I called my father. He immediately picked up.

"Papa..." Tawag ko na nanginginig ang boses.

"What happened, Hya? Why are you crying?" He asked. I controlled myself. He doesn't need to know that I'm crying. I sniffed.

"May sipon ako. I just... I missed you and Ma. Kailan ba kayo babalik?" Para akong batang nagtatanong sa kanya. I heard him chuckle.

"We're working on baby number five!"

"Pa, menopausal baby na iyan eh." I tried smiling.

"Hya... I know that something is up. You're my daughter... I know..."

"Colds are up." I chuckled again. He sighed. "Remember what you told me when I was growing up? About owning something... What if you know that you have to let it go?"

Matagal siyang tumahimik. But when he talked, I knew that he was grinning.

"Why would you let it go? You're a Consunji, what you want, you should get – anumang paraan, if you want it, get it. It's just that simple."

I smiled despite of the tears.

"I love you, Papa. Kahit matigas ang ulo ko."

"I love you too, Princess, mana ka naman sa akin..."

I ended the call. I'm feeling a bit okay. Siguro ay uuwi na lang ako but I will never try and contact him anymore. I wiped my tears away and stood up. Uuwi na talaga ako, pero pagharap ko ay nakatayo doon si Ignacio, nakapamulsa siya. Nakatingin siya sa akin. His face is unbearable.