The Real Me || Book One

Chapter four: Liar

"Why can't I get over her?!" I yelled and grabbed the nearest thing close to me, a computer chair. I threw it without any warning, and it slammed against the wall, creating a small dent. Tears streamed down my face as I crumpled to my knees. I laid my head in my hands, and wept. Lucas walked over to me.

"Don't... I don't want to hurt you..." I said, in between sobs.

"Don't be foolish, Adrien, I know you won't hurt me." Lucas knelt down beside me, and put an arm around my shoulder.

The tears kept coming as our door was swung open and a faculty member ran in with a first aid kit. They pushed Lucas aside and picked me up off of the floor. I didn't feel like moving... I didn't feel like any thing...

The guy laid me down on my bed, and plugged in an oxygen machine. He placed it in front of my nose and mouth, and told me to breathe. I did as told until my breathing was back to normal.

"Is he going to be okay?" I could hear Lucas talking with the guy.

"He'll be fine, he just had a bad panic attack." They both look at me. I shut my puffy eyes and laid there motionless.

"Do you know what might have triggered it?"

"No, he's never done this before."

"Well there's a first for everything. Keep a close eye on him, okay? And if worse comes to worst, don't hesitate to call emergency forces."

"Okay."

I hear the guy shuffle around, then the door closes. I open one eye, and see Lucas looking back at me.

"Are you sure that you're okay?"

I muster up the bit of strength I had left, and nod slightly.

"Okay, well, I'm going to call Eileen and postpone our date." Both of my eyes open wide.

"Don't, I'll be fine Lucas." I try to sit up, but with the oxygen mask over my face making it impossible, I plop my head back down on my pillow in defeat.

"What if you have another panic attack? I don't want to leave you by yourself." He begins to dial.

"Lucas, really, I'm fine." I manage to get the mask off and drop it on the floor.

"Adrien!" Lucas runs over to me, and picks up the mask. I shake my head and sit up.

"I don't need it. I'm fine now."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to." I stand up and move away from him.

"I'm breathing okay, and you can still go out with Eileen." Lucas shakes his head.

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"I won't be alone." He raises an eyebrow.

"I'm going to a study group tonight." I lied. Hopefully he wouldn't notice and finally believe that I'm all right.

"Fine, but if anything happens you tell them to call me." He caves and sighs, rubbing his temples with both his index fingers. I nod enthusiastically.

"I will."

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Lucas left, reassuring me that if anything happened, to contact him immediately. I told him that everything would be fine, and he was on his way.

I don't like it too much when people worry about me, it makes me feel like I'm interfering with their lives, but they always tell me that they're happy to look after me. I want to believe them, I really do, but with my father missing out on most of my life, I've grown to be independent. I'm use to being alone and doing everything on my own, and I forget what it feels like for someone else to take care of me. I want to change that. I don't want to always be independent. If anyone is ever going to... to love me, I need to let them care for me, or it'll never work out. That's it... Marinette doesn't love me any more, because I never let her show me any kind of affection towards me, I mean she did, but I always stopped her before she could reach out.

No, Adrien, you don't need to think about any of that. You might have another panic attack...

I need to clear my head...

I stood up from the computer chair I threw earlier, and grabbed my bag off of the floor. I put it on my shoulders, and walked out of the room.

I didn't know where I was going, but I knew that I didn't need to be clustered up in my dorm room. Things were going great; the sun was shining, a cool breeze filled the air chilling you slightly, and the wasn't a single cloud in the sky for miles.

Then I seen her... She had her back to me, walking ahead of me. I wanted to run up to her, hug her tightly, and apologize for being such an idiot. But I didn't.

Suddenly, she stopped, so I did too. She glanced over her shoulder, and her eyes went wide. Her books fell out of her petite hands and onto the ground. Her body turned in my direction, stiff. I looked right at her, not breaking eye contact. I couldn't move. It was like her gaze held me right in my spot.

"Adrien..." Her lips parted.

She slowly walked over to me, leaving her books on the ground next to her bag.

"Marinette, I-" I stuttered.

"Why did you lie?"

"What?"

"You heard me, why did you lie?"

"Marinette, let me explain."

"I don't want an explanation, I want to know why you lied to me."

Did I even know why I lied? No, I didn't.

"I don't have an explanation, Marinette. I wish I did, but I don't."

She looks down, and nods.

"That's what I thought." She inhales slowly. "Why did I ever believe that you would call?"

"Mari, I... I'm sorry..." I wanted to cry, but I held back the tears. I didn't want to seem vulnerable in front of, it just wasn't who I was.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I got into your head and controlled your feelings." A tear escaped her left eye, making one come from mine as well.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." I place a hand on her shoulder.

"Marinette, can I ask you something?" A few more tears left my eyes.

She looks up at me, her blue eyes glossy.

"Yes?"

I take a deep breath, and close my eyes.

"Do you... Do you still love me?..."

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