Over Again

❝i might miss everything you said to me❞

     "Are you okay?" Dad asked.

     "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. I wonder how much Mom told him. Just that I was in the hospital, or everything? If he knew everything, he was probably pretty mad at me. Not just for not looking at the road while I was driving, but for doing it with Niall in the car as well. Niall and I hadn't gone public- management hadn't allowed it- but him and the rest of the band always stayed at Dad's hotel when they were in Toronto.

     Although he didn't say it, I knew Dad liked the fact that Niall was a member of an internationally famous boy band. It meant he was pretty good for publicity. A car accident because I wasn't looking at the road? Not so great.

     It bothered me a little that Dad was almost obsessive over the success of the hotel, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Mom worked on the webpage of the hotel and little other odd jobs in managing, so the hotel was our only source of income. Plus, it had apparently always been his dream to run a successful hotel.

     "Is Niall going to be okay?"

     I hesitated. "Yeah, he'll be alright." He wouldn't die, that was certain.

     "Good. What were you thinking, Sarah?" Dad asked. He wasn't yelling, thankfully. He just sounded frustrated, and tired, and worried. Publicity was good for the hotel, but Dad hated dealing with it, and obviously, it annoyed him more when it was negative.

     Everyone had already heard about the accident, an unconscious superstar wasn't easy to hide. I wasn't getting much blame, most people were pointing fingers at the guy who had walked in front of the car, and stood frozen there staring, instead of getting out of the way. They didn't know the whole story, though. I could've stopped the car instead of swerving, if I had been watching the road, if I had seen him just a moment earlier. And I felt kind of bad he was getting blamed when it wasn't really his fault, a car speeding towards you could throw anyone into shock.

     "I don't know, I just looked away for a moment, and then he was there, and I panicked," I said.

     "It's a good thing he wasn't supposed to cross there or you could've gotten in a lot of trouble," Dad told me.

     "I know, but it's not like I wanted this to happen." If I could go back in time, I would swerve left, instead of right, so we wouldn't hit the pole.

     "It still happened." Dad sighed. "Your mother wants to talk to you." Which really meant, I don't know what else to say you, so I'm going to hand you off to Mom. Dad and I, we weren't exactly close. When I had been born, the hotel had just been started, so he hadn't really been there during my childhood. I knew he loved me, or at least I believed Mom when she told me he did, just didn't show it.

     "Has he woken up?" Mom asked as soon as she came on.

     I shook my head, despite the fact that she couldn't see me. "Not yet."

     "Are you okay?"

     "Yeah, I'm okay." I tried to keep my voice strong so she wouldn't worry, but I don't think it worked.

     "Are you sure you don't want me to come down?" Mom asked, seeing through my thin lie.

     "Mom, I'm fine, I promise." Complete lie. I was a mess, waiting for Niall to wake up. But Mom didn't need to know exactly how worried I was. "I'll be there in a couple weeks anyway with the tour remember?"

      A lot of people would call me stupid for doing this, but I had taken a month off university to tag along on the Canada part of their Take Me Home Tour. They had four stops, one for every week, before moving on to England. Their first stop was Toronto, where mom and dad were.

     "But Mom," I choked out. "What if he hates me?" It was the first time I had admitted my fear out loud. I couldn't talk about it with any of the boys, especially with Ashleigh around. I wasn't really close to Zayn or Liam. Harry was a good listener, but most of the time his replies didn't really help, and Louis would probably think I was insane for worrying about it. Only one of my friends knew that I knew One Direction and she was currently halfway around the world visiting relatives who lived miles away from any form of civilization.

     "Sarah, you guys Skype for hours when you're apart. Your phone bill was through the roof last month. He loves you. Nothing could change that." Mom always somehow knew what to say to make things better. I wasn't sure if everything she said was true, but I desperately wanted to believe that it was.

     I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, someone called my name.

     "Sarah!" Louis sped around the corner, nearly crashing into me. "Niall woke up!"

     It took a couple seconds for what he said to sink in. "Mom-"

     "I heard. Call me later, Sarah," Mom said.

     "Love you," I replied quickly, hanging up.

     "They're doing some checkups on him right now," Louis told me as we rushed back to the waiting room. The scent of coffee drifted towards me, which meant Liam had returned. "We can visit him once they're done."

     It was silent as we waited for the doctor to come back. Even Ashleigh and Louis didn't bicker like they usually did. Neither Harry nor Liam tried to break the silence and make small talk and Zayn wasn't tapping away on his phone. We were all focused on the hallway, as if staring at it could make the doctor come out faster, sooner.

     I kept glancing back at the clock on the wall, which seemed to move impossibly slow. Ten minutes felt like ten hours. I just wanted to know if Niall was okay. I wanted to see his blue eyes and his contagious smile. Finally, after half an hour, a man in a white coat stepped out, causing all of us to jump up.

     "Is he okay?"

     "Can we see him?"

     "Does he have any-"

     The doctor held up a hand, stopping the questions we were throwing at him. "He's alright. Two visitors at a-" Without waiting for him to finish, Ashleigh let out a quiet squeal and raced down the hall. I wanted to follow after her, to get to him first, but forced myself to calm down. It wouldn't be fair to the guys.

     "Go, Sarah," Louis said, seeing through my thin mask of calmness. The rest of the guys nodded, even Zayn.

     "Are you sure?" I asked.

     Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Go."

     I didn't need to be told again. As I left, I heard the doctor start to say something about bad news, but it didn't really register. It was like background noise, I was focused on getting to Niall. I rushed down the hall, watching the numbers on the doors. His room was down at the end of the hall, the door opened just a crack. I pushed it open and stepped in, almost shaking with relief that I would see him, right now, conscious and okay. Ashleigh would be in there, but for once, her presence didn't really bother me.

     I spoke too soon.

     I walked in to see Niall and Ashleigh kissing. And it wasn't the typical kind of 'you-walked-in-at-the-wrong-moment' cheating kiss, not even close. He was kissing her back, his arms around her waist, pressing her against him. She was almost on top of him, hands tangled in his hair. They looked like they were...together, like it was her dating Niall, not me. A gasp fell from my lips before I could stop it, drawing their attention.

     That should be me, I thought distantly as Ashleigh leaned back from Niall, fixing her shirt. Her lips were swollen and she gave me a small, sort of 'I won' smirk. But my attention was on Niall.

     "Who are you?" he asked, looking at me curiously. I could've sworn my heart stopped. It felt like it had, except I wasn't dead. What? Was he playing some kind of twisted joke? Or did he really not-

     "Niall, don't you remember Sarah?" Ashleigh asked. There was a sad smile on her face, but it wasn't real, it was just for show. A small, wicked glint in her eyes told me she was happy he didn't remember me. It gave me the sinking suspicion that I wouldn't like what she said next. And I didn't, because the next words out of her mouth were a complete lie.

     "She's Harry's girlfriend."