My Lawliet (L x Reader)

Chapter 10 - I'm Powerless

Ahaha it's been... quite a while...

Me? Oh no, my life has been fine. Definitely not below the x-axis. (Dear god, not math)

But anyways~ The Big Bang x reader thing has been uploaded. Plz do check it out :p (https://www.wattpad.com/211024613-i-thought-you-were-the-one-gdragon-x-reader-x-top)

Enjoyz~

xKutMeOpenx

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I hear distant sobbing. A woman's cry. Darkness. They're echoing in the dark. Who? Who is it? Who is crying?

I open my eyes. A very familiar scene. I realize I'm sitting in my mother's leather car. I look over at the driver's seat to see my mother steering the wheel as droplets fall from her eyes. Ah... so my mother was the one crying. Why is she crying? Why does she look so sad? I want to reach out and wipe her tears, but I don't.

"Mommy?" My voice comes out high pitched and child-like. Oh I see... this was the me 9 years ago... This is a dream right?

"Please don't cry," The 6 year old me continues to say. I could feel the old worry I felt that time like a whirlpool in my chest. A mixture of complicated feelings that even now, I can't explain. But it hurts. It hurts so bad... "Why are you crying?"

She doesn't stop crying. In fact, she doesn't even answer or look at me. Her eyes are on the road, blinking tears. I scoot closer to the edge of the seat so I could see the side of her face more clearly.

"Mommy... where's daddy?" 'Daddy'? Strange... But I never met him. Have I?

Her whole body tenses up but slowly relaxes again. "Gone, honey," Her voice comes out raspy and soft. The words trembled out of her lips, "He won't come back. We won't go back. It's over."

"Why?" I press, frowning. Geez, was I really that stupid? I shouldn't be questioning her right now.

"Because..." Her voice cracks as she lets out a cry, "He doesn't want us. It... it was all a lie..." The tears fall more rapidly down her cheeks as her face crunches in pain.

No, no, no... it's going to happen. I don't want to see it again. Please. Please don't cry. Please stop.

"We're alone."

Wake up! Wake up! Please...! I don't want to see that scene again!

"[Y/N]... let's..." Her eyes grow distant like she's staring far off. Her lips are moving, but I don't hear anything. No, I did. It's just... I don't remember what she said that time.

Her mouth stretches wide and I realize she was screaming. It's happening.

The world starts spinning out of control.

I'm banging and flying everywhere, crashing into solid.

My whole body hurts. The pain feels so real and it's not suppose to. Did I perhaps travel back in time in my sleep? If so, then I didn't fix anything. The same thing happened all over again.

I'm powerless.

This nightmare is reminding me of how weak I am. Even though I'm so tired already, it hasn't had enough of me. I'm just a toy to the dark.

When the world finally stopped spinning, my body lays still. I try to move my limbs, but it hurts so much. I'm so numb. I can't tell if I'm moving or not. My head is spinning, but my body isn't. Or is it?

Tired. I want to sleep. My head is threatening to pass out any minute now. Yes. Please pass out and let this be the end of it. I don't want to see anymore. Not again.

But my curious 6 year old self forced her eyes open. I'm surprised I still have the strength left. The sound of sirens ringing in the air. Smoke. Whispers. The light is blinding my eyes. I try to adjust my hearing to the whispers to make out what they're saying, but I can't hear. Their murmurs overlapped each others. Am I hallucinating?

My eyes spin around to the top of my skull, then it falls downwards and it doesn't leave. I couldn't take my eyes off the scene. A bloody hand was sticking out, chips of glass scattered underneath it. The crystal ring on the marriage finger shimmered from the bright light. I knew who it was immediately, but I was too tired and shocked to scream out the aching and panic in my chest. My vision blurs and tears trickle from my eyes. My throat squeezes in my neck and I'm coughing cries that were barely audible.

My eyes burned. Probably from the tears and the image fades to black. I find myself staring up at the ceiling, panting. Coming to my senses, I realize how sweaty I was. My clothes were clamped tightly on to my skin and there were big splotches of dark puddles on me.

"[Y/N]?" The door creaks open slowly and I turn to my side, meeting grandpa's teary eyes.

"Uh, hi?" I try to sound cool, but I croak the words instead.

He exhales deeply and makes his way towards me then sits at the edge of my bed. He had such a sad expression on his face, I wasn't sure if it was worry or pity anymore. All those days of worry has made creases on his face and forehead. And all those days of working without ever telling me. Just the thought of that makes me tear up. How funny this world is. How funny that such a kind woman and her father had to go through such difficulty and pain and this cruel man who created that gets to live in luxury. How funny. How funny that this man could get away with it and live so happily.

I hate God more than anything. We don't deserve this. My mother definitely doesn't deserve this. How can nothing go right for us? Why must happiness have such high of a cost? Can it be brought with money? Is that it? If we also hurt others, can we be happy?

As if reading my thoughts, grandpa pulls me into a hug and I swore I heard a stifled cry from him.

Through all of my confused, dark and angry thoughts, there was one that stood out to me the most:

If only I was the one who had died that day...