My Record Store Romance

Sleep In My Arms, I Can Take the Pain Away

And then I closed my eyes, feeling that weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders again.

"And she never called. I left her five voice mails- five. And she still hasn't called me back. And if anything happened to her because I was dumb enough to let her go by herself, I swear to god-"

A hand on my shoulder caused me to take a deep breath, and when I opened my eyes I noticed Odie was standing at my side. I hadn't even heard him get up.

"Drew," he said, "Turn around. Look at me."

I did as he said, my fingers tingling after I released my grasp from the couch and turned around to face him. I couldn't read him, his expressions always never giving away too much. I was the opposite, plain on the outside but truly a train wreck underneath.

My breathing was still strange, hitching and broken and uneven; but I couldn't help it, I couldn't make it stop. Even if I tried.

Odie's old eyes looked straight into mine. "You need to think about this." He said, his voice strong. "I know that you're worried, I know that you think you could have done something to prevent her from walking home."

He paused, making sure I was listening to each and every word I was saying, his hand still firmly placed on my shoulder.

"But you couldn't. And I know you're thinking the worst. But maybe she just fell asleep, maybe her phone died and she lost the charger. Maybe she stopped somewhere and hasn't gotten home yet. There are a million possibilities."

"But Odie, what if something went wrong? What if she really is in danger, what if she's out there right now and I'm stuck here, not doing anything about it?"

Odie sighed. "Drew, you need to remember; not everyone is Ally."

I shut my eyes again, holding my bracelet between my fingers, feeling the ripped edges.

"You need to stop blaming yourself for everything just because you've made one mistake. You need to stop always assuming the worst just because one time something happened you couldn't control."

"You don't understand Odie-" I cried, "It's always with me. It's always there. Reminding me how I was too late, reminding me how I always end up hurting everyone, how I can never protect anyone."

I began to shake, trying to force my thoughts away as my mind went wild. It could only last for so long.

"Don't you hear yourself Drew? This is Hailey we're talking about. Not anyone else. You haven't done anything wrong."

"It doesn't mean I won't do something wrong. I always do. I always hurt people." I looked down at the floor. "I ruin everything I touch."

My heart clenched, my vision blurring in the corners of my eyes. I had always known it was true. I just never admitted it to myself before, never admitted it out loud.

I ruin everything I touch. Or in other words, everybody.

Odie shook my shoulder slightly, and I looked back up at him.

"I want you to remember something Drew," he said. "I want you to remember what I'm going to say to you right now; at this very moment. So listen to me and don't ever forget what I'm telling you. Okay?"

My hands trembled at my sides, and I tried to get my nerves under control but it was still no use.

I was losing it.

"Okay." I replied, trying to keep my voice even when really I felt like breaking apart.

Odie took a deep breath, and I know he was thinking deeply about what he was going to say. Finally, he began to speak.