12 Days Of Shipmas (A Multi Fandom Compilation)

Twelve Drummers Drumming (SnowBaz from Carry On)

"It's Christmas Eve," I say. It seems like the best explanation I can muster right now.

He lifts his free hand and brushes one of my curls from off my forehead. "I know," he replies. "Is that why you're sad, because of Christmas?"

I swallow, wishing he'd just guess without me having to say it, but the silence stretches on and I know he's waiting for me to break it. "I..." I start, scrambling around for the right words. I've never been good with words.

My face scrunches up again, and I grab onto his hands like they're anchoring me in place. I can't hurt him, but I grip harder, wanting to make him flinch. But of course he doesn't, he just pulls me in closer, nuzzling his face into my hair and throwing his leg over mine.

My stupid tail betrays me by winding around his thigh and knee, and I let out a whimper. What a twat. I want him to let go, to be angry at me and shout, but I'm so selfish I'm just pulling him in deeper. "I ruined everything," I finally manage to spit out into the small crevice between the couch cushions. If I can't say it to his face, I can say it to the upholstery at least.

"Don't be silly," Baz replies without pause. "Whatever it is, we can fix it."

There shouldn't be a 'we', that's my point, why is he making this difficult? "You should be with your family, it's Christmas Eve," I try again.

This seems to genuinely throw him a little. "We're seeing them tomorrow?" he says, rubbing my knuckles that I can see have gone white, even in this dim light. He can see everything of course, just another way he's better than me. "After presents, we'll drive down, it's absolutely fine I promise."

"But it's not fair," I counter. "You should be with them, they're like you."

Baz sighs, and I can hear the hint of impatience in it. "There's no one like me Snow."

"They're magickal," I counter. "They share your history, they're your world, you should be with them."

He pulls away slightly. Good, I snarl at myself, ignoring the fissures growing in my heart. "And not with you?" he asks.

"I'm not like you," I whisper. "I destroy everything – I destroyed it."

He sighs once more, but this time it's tender, and I panic. Before I can move though, he's got me in his clutches again, his grip tighter than ever. "It's Christmas Eve," he says, and this time, I know he understands.

"It was me all along," I breath, determined not to chicken out. "It was me, I caused the Humdrum, and he took so much magic from so many people – from you. Your family. Why-" My voice cracks but I growl it out. "Why would you pick me over them?"

"Because I love you you idiot," he insists affectionately, and starts kissing up my neck, nibbling lightly at my earlobe, which is just playing dirty. He knows I love his sharp teeth as much as he loves my tail and wings. Snakes we're so fucked up.

"I'm broken," I argue. "I lost my magic, I deserved to lose it. I killed the Mage, I ruined Christmas-"

"No," he says firmly. So firmly, I blink and actually look back at him finally. He's lifted himself up and is looking down at me with fierce grey eyes.

"No?" I say.

"No," he repeats. "You haven't ruined Christmas." He softens a little and kisses my shoulder, his eyes alive and fixed on mine as he rests his head between my arm and where my wing is curled. "I know it's been a year, and I'm sorry but I was ignoring the anniversary on purpose. I know how bad with dates you are, I stupidly hoped you'd forget."