Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 41: Her

My mind is a mess— I couldn't grab a hold of what to think. I don't know what I was thinking, but a part of me tells me that I know what I'm doing; what I have in my hands, and what I roll out of my tongue. I grabbed his wrist tightly but with pure of caress as he slowly sits down beside me. Without any spoken words, I caressed his cold face and slowly connected my lips to him, as if I was craving for it. We both started pulling each other closer, our hands going places that seemed a lot familiar in our palms, our kiss going deeper, asking for more than anything we could possibly think.

As my hands travel along his trembling skin, my mind did the same thing. I know I've had enough intoxication with the cans of beer I've had that would make me somehow forget about my entire existence, but non of those idea would even seem to happen to my system. My mind keeps on pushing in some tragic and devastating thoughts about this boy, but my heart and my entire system keeps on telling me that I need him— that I want him to stay, that I need to feel his arms around me, his hands touching every inch of my body and his lips travelling around my being. I wanted him to go, but I can't just let it happen anymore. I want him to stay.

So that's what I did.

Our lips yet again started moving in sync, making every feeling seems so familiar to me as I breathe in and out the air he breathes. I couldn't ever let go of the feeling anymore— even just for a bit of a second. I keep having doubts, but I tried all my might to push it all away from me. I moved a little closer and tried shifting on top of him, making me sit on his lap, our foreheads touching. As our lips started connecting once more, both of his hands roamed around inside my shirt then started massaging my breasts in a slow pace, making me let out a light moan. He chuckled in between of our kiss for my sudden reaction, making me yet again feel things that seem to be arousing everything for me. I smiled as I responded, pulling him even closer as he began to kiss me on the outline of my jaws, then slowly down to my neck. I was all so sure that the moment I asked him to stay, he would just leave again, but my own self betrayed me. With his lips responding in sync with mine, and his hands holding me like it was the first time, I could tell that he wanted to stay. Calum wanted to stay.

Everything in me seems to be starting to ignite that I just had to give in what my system is wanting: it's him. His fingertips were playing the hems of my shirt as he sucked up my weak skin on my neck, then gently pulled away to pull up my shirt off of me. Calum kissed my nose gently after taking it off, making me kiss him on the lips only to make my hands search for where I can start taking his own shirt too. In a matter of seconds we were both kissing and puling each other closer again, hearing nothing but our deep breaths and our chuckles for we both cannot seem to understand why we keep on laughing while in the middle of something serious.

His hands slowly making its way back to my chest, then slid it inside my bra. After a few seconds, he was already trying to figure out how to unclip my bra; as if he has never done it before. I can feel his fingertips going cold and shaking, that I had to pull away from our kiss to look back at him, only to find out that he's already staring at me. His eyes were full of passion.

"I'm sorry I just," He kissed my neck. "I'm nervous."

He looked down, but both of my hands held his face to make him look back into my eyes again. I kissed his face, then back to his lips once more. I gently pulled away then smiled, feeling my cheeks flush as I look at the sight of him grinning while looking at my boobs.

I rolled my eyes then pushed him lightly on the shoulder. "I thought you were nervous."

"I am. I just—" Calum chuckled, then buried his face back onto my neck. "You're distracting me. You smell so good."

We stayed the way we are for a couple of minutes— both shirtless and almost naked, with his head resting on my shoulder and his fingers tracing whatever he finds in my bare skin. It was when my eyes started feeling heavy when Calum started planting kisses on my cold skin once again, making me warm enough to feel something. We're once again feeling everything well up inside us, that made him grab me by my waist, pulling me closer and lifted me up to the other side of the bed. I reached for the back of his head to grab a hold of his hair as he kiss me roughly on the lips. I let out a moan, making his hands hold me tightly on my thighs. Calum pulled away, placing his right hand gently on my waist as his fingers started making its entrance inside tmy underwear. He leaned in closer, his warm breath tickling my skin.

"I love you."

And that's all I needed to hear.

His lips pressed against my neck and I can feel that he is fighting off all the temptations to take my skin between his lips. He placed a hand on my breast, moving it in ways I couldn't possibly know how to explain, but I was letting out moans as I arch my back a bit for the given pleasure. He started kissing my neck, then down to my bare chest as we both let our hands roam around our heated up bodies, taking off every last pieces of clothing we only have left. I let out a light moan as I held him closer to me, feeling a pressure beggining to press against my hip.

Calum pulled away and looked back into my eyes again, the both of us grasping for air that we both wanted to let in and out. He started giving me light kisses all over my face as the realization about the both of us being completely naked right at the moment started hitting me. I couldn't put away the smile that has been playing around my lips ever since I saw him standing outside my door. And now he's lying on top of me, making everything seem like nothing even happened for the past eight months— making everything seemed like it was just the way we were before.

I could feel the most intimate part of my body throbbing, and I couldn't help but wonder if he could feel that my entire system couldn't stop screaming for him. Something inside me keeps on making me hold back everything I've been letting out since, but I know that I couldn't ever let this slip away anymore. He keeps on pulling away to look me in the eyes, and I've never seen such hunger before. I know and I can feel that he wanted me too, but it's like I always need him to reassure me about it. I've been so nervous about letting him touch me but now I wasn't even nervous at all. It's what I wanted. It was all I ever wanted.

We were both looking at each other's eyes with so much excitement before Calum pressed his lips against mine again. I knew by then that it was about to happen. I reached for the back of his hair as he makes his way inside me, making me bite my lower lip with my eyes closed as I ready myself for the pleasure. Calum started with a slow pace, thrusting in and out of me gently, making sure that every second would last, and every moment would matter. My trembling fingers dug deeply on his bare back, his familiar moans in my ears making everything well a lot more up inside me. From a slow pace turning into a wild ride, I started letting out breathless moans as he held me tighter in his arms, his warm skin making everything hard for me to contain my emotions.

Nothing would ever seem to matter at the moment. Not even the current situation, or whatever could possibly still occur. All that matters now is this— our arms around each other, making connections we did just like before. I kept my eyes close as I savour each and every second of the moment. We both felt the need to release and it was that moment that we just had to let it go. I let out a moan, but Calum's lips shut me up by kissing me again, making the both of us laugh in between of our kiss. We both pulled away and I just lay beside him, as he both cover our throbbing bodies with a blanket. I rested my head on his arms, remembering once again about how we always do this thing. He placed a kiss on my forehead, making his lips linger there for a moment. I know that after all this thing I should be smiling, but something inside me just doesn't want to agree with my thoughts.

I tried pushing it all off away.

"Happiness."

I looked back to Calum. "What?" I asked.

"That's what I'm feeling right now." He uttered. "I mean, I don't know. After all this time. I never knew I could still have you in my arms like this. I never thought that I would still be able to have you like this."

Calum smiled, making me lean in closer.

"What about you?" He asked.

I gave him another kiss.

"Just hold me."

**
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