Sanity Extras

Memory #2: Chris

2 years before incarceration (1 month after previous memory)

The rain. The rain was the only thing I did feel. It fell like a symphony in rhythm, and a ballet in beauty. The grace of the rain blessed my face as blood ran down the gutter. She just couldn't shut up, could she? She had to try to tell me everything I did wrong. I did nothing wrong to that bitch! I gave her everything, including my patience.

I gave and gave and gave. Until my knuckles were white from stress and my head hurt so much I couldn't see straight. I needed to end the headache. It was constant now for months. Ever since that fucking bitch walked into my life, she caused me this pain. She took and took and took from me. I finally was the one to take from her; I took her life. Like all before her, I showed her just exactly who is the boss here.

Even in death, the cunt has caused me more trouble than she was ever worth. Her name still stained my gums like a poison. I cut her up piece by piece, took her down to Mike's. He'll find use in the vile bitch. I had no benefit from her. I just grit my teeth and tried to make it work, but I couldn't. So here I am, walking back to my car in the rain.

There isn't shit for parking by Mike's place. Normally I take a cab there, but that obviously wasn't an option. I had to part a few blocks down. This was the street Angelo's store was on. That thought seemed to emerge in my mind, despite the haze I was in. My vision swayed as I walked. The adrenaline was still present inside of me and I still felt the inflaming rage I possessed for that slut. Thinking of Angelo though, it pushed that all aside. When I had his face in my mind, I became a different kind of fucked up.

The light of his shop was still on. I saw it turn off just as I noticed this. Out of the glass front door stepped a small frame I knew only as my angel. He truly was an angel, in the way he walked, how he talked, how he said my name.

"Chris," Angelo spotted me. I felt a shiver down my spine just to hear him say my name. He said, "What are you doing on this side of town so late?"

"I... had to drop something off at Mike's." I responded.

"Oh." He simply muttered, "I... haven't heard from you in a while. Can I walk with you to your car?"

The street light dawned on him in golden rays. It light him like the Heavenly spirit he was. I saw him as the only good in my life. After a moment of getting caught up in his eyes, I brought myself down to reality.

"Yeah. That would be nice." We began to walk, "I'm sorry I haven't called. My head has been a little fucked up lately."

I leaned against my car as we had reached it. Angelo looked up at me with concern, "Well that's all the more reason you should have called." He put his hand on my arm and seeped a frustrated sigh. God, I miss his touch. "Is everything alright?" His sweet sweet voice asked.

"No." I muttered, resisting saying anything else.

I opened the back seat of my car and took off my jacket, throwing it in the back seat. My eyes found him as I looked over my shoulder. His eyes were glossy in this weather. Already blue like a frozen lake, they were illuminated by the moonlight and rain. He was the most gorgeous human I have ever set my eyes on. I had my hand on the top of the door, and felt myself squeeze it out of frustration. I miss him. I miss him more than I can control, and I fucking hate when something is out of my control.

"Chris?" He called me when I hadn't provided him with more than a one word answer.

"Angelo," I sighed his name, feeling the way it graced my lips so perfectly. My voice dropped to a whisper, "You are still so beautiful."

"What'd you say? I can't hear you well over the rain." He said.

My anger over a loss of control was consuming me. I turned myself to be completely facing him. My fists were clenched. I closed my eyes a moment and thought back to the last time we made love. I remembered the way he sounded and felt. The way he smelled. He had smelled like the Heaven he is.