skinny || h.s. au [Rewrite Now Up!]

fortyfive

And she thinks about when she got the call. The call that told Marley she's officially an orphan, as far as she knows. And her mother is gone from her life yet again. Except this time she can't write a letter and suddenly be in it again. And Marley can practically hear the woman's voice from the phone.

"Hello, I'm looking for Marley Parker?"

"This is she."

"I'm calling on behalf of the staff here at Newark Psychiatric Institute, and I'm very sorry for your loss... but I'm afraid your mother, Ms. Sharri Parker, has passed away."

The phone might as well be on the floor. Because now the lady is speaking to herself, though she didn't know it. Marley wasn't listening.

That was three weeks ago. And despite the institute being so generous as to take care of the burial details, Marley didn't go to her funeral.

She couldn't see herself putting on that black dress. The one that hangs a little bit too loose and reminds her of uneaten portions of lasagna. She couldn't see herself watching as they lowered her mother into the ground.

So Marley didn't go to her funeral.

Instead she stands in front of a rectangle of freshly churned dirt. With the wind whipping her hair around her like the anger Marley is supposed to feel. But doesn't.

When she first found out, Marley had so many emotions. Everything else went on the back burner, even her anger toward Harry, which just seemed stupid after that phone call. Her emotions controlled her more than they had in a long time. She couldn't keep them locked away in her little wooden box.

She was angry. And sad. And angry she was sad because that woman took so much from her and yet Marley couldn't help the hurt in her chest.

But now, it's as if those moments of weakness never existed.

She locks herself up tighter now. And even Harry can feel the cold shoulder she gives him when she does. Sometimes he is able to melt her icy exterior. But sometimes he can't.

He hasn't tried to push those three words on her that he wants to say. He keeps it to himself in fear they will simply push her away instead of bring her closer. Instead, Harry shows Marley. With patience and understanding and drives to the cemetery on a cold Wednesday morning. No questions asked. Even though they're skipping their first classes.

Marley's nose feels like it's burning from the chill. She takes a breath and it cascades out in front of her like a cloud. It sort of reminds her of cigarette smoke and she tries tells herself she doesn't need one.

So instead she thinks about what they must look like. Standing there in the cold in front of a tombstone. Most people may think they're in mourning but truthfully Marley doesn't really know what she's feeling. Just that she doesn't want to feel it anymore.

Her mother was never really a mother. And as far as Marley knows, her father died when she was a baby.

At least that's what her mother always said.

Jax once said he remembered him. That he had blue eyes and a long brunette ponytail. But Jax would have been only five or six when he died and Marley never really gave it much thought. Their mother always had men coming around, anyway. And it didn't mean any of them were her father.

"I'm an orphan." Marley says. Her voice is soft but it feels too loud as she breaks the silence. "I hate that word."

"Why?" Harry asks.

"It makes people want to pity you." She says. "Like, 'oh look at poor little Marley. She's an orphan now.'"

"I don't pity you." Harry says. But he realizes it might be a lie. And she may be right. It rips him apart thinking what it might be like to lose a parent. And now Marley has none.

She scoffs. As if she can read his mind. The rustle of the wind in the trees is the only sound as she closes her eyes. They sting with the dry wind and from numerous nights of cold, restless sleep. "I'm cold. Let's go."

Marley turns from the grave. Doesn't take one last glance at the tombstone or say some kind of sentiment for her dead mother. Just turns. And walks toward Harry's car.

They climb inside in silence. Aside from the sounds of cold shivers and their heavy breaths trying to warm frozen hands. Marley turns off the radio as soon as Harry starts the car.

Silence is something she finds a comfort in these days. Especially silence between the two of them. Or just having Harry there, really. Though she may never tell him that.

And that's sort of the problem with them isn't it? Always wanting something from the other but never really letting them know.

Harry takes Marley's content silence as being distant. And Marley, well, misinterprets just about everything Harry says. Part of it isn't her fault, though. She's practically wired to not trust others.

The problem is, that might just be their downfall. Their fatal flaw. The small crack that set off the Avalanche.

"We can still make it to third period." Harry says.

Marley just shrugs. Truthfully, she doesn't want to go to school today. But if she doesn't, she will end up sitting in her house alone. Thinking about her dead mother and the almost perfect circular scar she left on her hand. And the less visible one she left on her childhood.

"Is anyone at your house?" Marley asks.

Harry thinks for a moment. "No. Everyone is either working or at school."

"Let's go there." She says. Doesn't want to think about tombstones. Or school. Or sleeveless black dresses that hang a little too loose. Or funerals she didn't attend.

Or anything at all. She wants to get away from everything. And she has an idea of how to do just that.

Marley knows by now that Harry will do anything she wants.

Even if she's using him.

_____________
OH MY GOD I NEVER WANT TO SEE SNOW EVER AGAIN.

To anyone living in a nice, warm, tropical place... I hate you very, very much so please buy me a plane ticket and let me come stay with yooooouuuuu.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's a winter storm here in the US that's been named Jonas. And the last Jonas that did this much damage to my soul was Nick Jonas when he went solo and this time I'm not as okay with it.

Plus I have a cold so shoveling cars out of 30 plus inches of snow was a literal nightmare. I'm scarred for life.

Okay enough about me I love you babes!!! Ask me questions on my ask.fm!! Link on my profile!!

All the love

-Lena xx