When A Man Love (bxb)

Chapter 17

       That particular day was the day when all hell had break loose. When everything that happen should have not happen at all. When a loving mother should not have leave the world first before her child death. But apperantly, no human in this whole wide world can beat faith and destiny. It is destiny that human are what they are. It is destiny that things happen. It is destiny that a mother was taken away from a child.

I was 15 at the time. I knew I was gay. I've always knew. But the feeling and thought of it scared me to no avail. I was alone. I was petrified. I was confused. I still had no friends back then. I think its also destiny that there are almost 7 billion people in the world but still at the age of 15, I still have no one.

But despite all of this horrendous faith and life, my mom was the one who gives me reason to actually felt worth it to be breathing. I told her everything. That I was gay, that I was scared of what I am becoming. The only reason I shared everything with her is that I know, no matter what I am or who I chose to be, she will love me like the day she had given birth to me. When I was in her arm, fragile, soft and small, crying and struggling for air.

     She said she wouldn't have it either way. Whether give up on her life or lose me. Mom and I had a connection that she and Sarah didn't. Before becoming the bitch that Sarah is, I used to remember her being kind. But all that change after my dad found out.

You see my father had always look up to the existence of Jesus Christ and how it has always save humans from being slaughtered inches away from hell. Yes, he was a man of religion. Always going to church with all the free time he own.

So I doubt that he would take me for who I am or what I chose to be.

I chose to be me. A gay boy who will soon grow up facing a difficult and restless time in society because of my preferences in loving someone.

But he will never see that. You could reason with him with any reasons there is in this wide and spacious world and he will still believe that...I am unacceptable.

So when the rumors got out to him, he flipped. Rage, that the only 'reliable' son he had is a man lover. A cock sucker. A faggot. A piece of shit that shouldn't even breath in the first place. These were his direct word.

He put me down on a chair and read the bible to me. Screaming in my face how homosexuals is wrong and that I will burn in hell if I don't go back to the right path. These were all in the bible. What more can I possibly say? Like I said, you could reason with him with all the reasons in this world, but he would never understand and accept any of it. Never.

       I was tied up to a chair every single day until I am straight again. Reading to me the words of God and asked me to confess my sin. Sarah would always be watching from upstairs while mom would tell him to stop over and over again. Reasoning with him. Reminding him that I was his son. That I was still a child. But nothing happened.

Dad continue as it is until I would confess my sin and that I was straight again. But apperantly that didnt happen. But if only I knew what I knew today, I would've kneel down on both of my hand and...change. Realize my so called mistake. But because I didn't, I lose the only thing in my life worth holding for, my mom.

It was day-154. I was still in silence. Mom's secretly encourage and heal my heart when she would went inside my bedroom and pat my head saying that everything will be fine. That everything will be bygones in no time. I believe her. I had no choice but to believe her.

Like I said, it was day-154. Dad said he had enough of me. So he wants to finish this in the most cruel way possible. He wanted to send me to juvenile school. Learn the rough way to survive. He said if I was to be who I am in that place, I would be raped, molested, and so many things I could hardly imagine anymore.

So, I was scared. Who wouldn't. I ask for his forgiveness and for the sympathy of my young soul, but as always, he refuses. We were on our way to the juvenile school. The school takes about 7 hour journey from our home but it didn't even last for half an hour when we stop at a gas station and mom ran away with the car and me. Leaving dad behind.

“Sweetie look at me baby. Look at me.” Mom flashes me a smile with dimples decorating her face. A little bit of sweat on her forehead.

I was panicked. I worried about her life. I don't care if I die, it should be reasonable that she gave birth to me and I would gave in to death first. So I look at her. The last look as I lay my eyes upon her beautiful features and those sapphire blue eyes she gave me when another car in front crash into us. After that, it was dark. It was nothing.