I'm Saying Goodbye

Chapter 3

You see it as a way to impress your buddies, it gets a few celebratory drinks sent your way.

It's fun.

Adam, it's so much more than that, it's about becoming a family. You and I devoting ourselves to one another.

A solid commitment.

I think that's what's scaring you, you see the ring tells others that I'm spoken for. It's a 'get the fuck out' symbol to any man who may look my way. Tells the world I'm yours, it's, marks your territory.

Once we get married,it becomes a real commitment more that what we have now.

You're scared and I don't know why, and that scares me.

So, I'm doing this.

I gave you your ring back, I need you to figure out what it is that you want.

I want it all Adam, the wedding, the three bedroom house with the white picket fence and children playing in the yard. I want all of that and so much more with you.

Always will.

You need to figure out what you want, this is the only way I can think of to get you to think about it.

I love you and I always will, but I won't wait around forever Adam and I shouldn't have too.

Love Always
Kim

It was all so surreal, he watched as a tear fell from his eyes landing in the center of Kim's name making the black ink bleed and her name become almost unrecognizable to him.

He folded the sheet of paper and put in his back pocket.

He walked back towards his truck and climbed in, his heart effectively torn to pieces, he didn't know what was wrong with him.

How could let Kim slip through his fingers, she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Fear.

It was all consuming.

Fear of failure and losing her.

Which is exactly what happened.

Adam shook his head as he let his mind drift back to his childhood. It wasn't an awful childhood by any stretch of the imagination he knew his parents loved him and they did their best.

They just couldn't get their shit together.

It all started around the time he was five, his parents got divorced. Within six months both had found significant others and he hated them all.

In almost a blink of an eye, he'd gone from having parents that were married and together to being the child of a divorce.

Then his step parent parade began, his mother was the worst of the two.

It started with Cal, and then it was Bobby, and John showed up. He had actually start to lose track of them all. By the time he graduated his mother had been married seven different times, each one a bigger disaster than the last.

His father wasn't quite as bad, he'd only been married a total of four times.

So, yea it was safe to assume he'd be a little gun shy about marriage.

Nicole was never that serious and he never should have proposed, Wendy? That started off strong and he loved her, but slowly she pulled away his career choice frightened her and she begged him to quit. To go back to his old job and he couldn't, he wouldn't sitting in an office dealing with insurance claims was not for him.

He only took that job as 'Fuck You' to his dad, until he realized he was cutting his nose off to spite his face.

Then he met Kim and it was like someone had turned a light on. She made him feel things he hadn't felt in a long time. It didn't take long before he fell head over heels in love with her.

Then she was shot, and he literally felt as if his world was flipped on its axis. He was terrified, he knew then that he never really loved anyone else.

Kim was his everything.

Until he started getting cold feet, not in the 'I don't think I love you' way but in the 'oh shit, I'll screw this up' way.

How could he not, his only examples of marriage had all crashed and burned.

He couldn't do that to Kim, couldn't fail her.

It seemed as though he already had.

In a effort to keep from ruining their relationship he let it self destruct.

It imploded and he only had himself to blame.

Al was reading the paper when Adam walked through the door.

He lifted his eyes from the sports section, "Shit, Adam you look like hell" he remarked, "where've you been? Michelle said you had come home earlier but took off" he folded the paper, fearing that he may have overstayed his welcome.

"Just been around. Didn't sleep last night" Adam scanned the mail that lined the countertop.

"Where's Kim?" It was surprising to see one without the other.

"Gone" Adam replied.

Al went to the fridge grabbing two bottles of beer, sure it was a little early but it looked as if his friend could use one, "Gone where? Like on a vacation or something?"

Adam laughed, "Gone as in she called off the wedding gone. We're done" he held up the ring holding it between his thumb and index finger.

Al groaned, "I'm sorry, what happened?"

Adam finished off the beer, feeling it settle in his empty stomach, "She got tired of waiting, tired of me I guess"

Al shook his head, "That doesn't sound like Kim, she loves you" he sat on his temporary bed across from Adam, "is it because Michelle and I are here?"

"Don't know" He replied, he already knew what he was going to do. It was the only thing that made any sense at all.

"Are you going to try and fix it?" Al questioned him.

"Nope" was all Adam could muster.

--Note--
Obviously we don't know much about Adam's parents but I'm trying to make sense out of Adam's reluctance to get married.

Just seems out of character from how they wrote him last season and so far in to this season.

Honestly it doesn't make sense what they're doing on the show, hopefully once we see it play out it will back sense.

But for now, I like this.