Hey There, Delilah - A 5 Seconds of Summer story

Chapter 48

The last secret was lingering on my tongue. Luke was already tense as a coiled spring, his fury at Alison evident in the set of his jaw and the way he held me tightly, protectively. But we had promised each other honesty in this relationship, and Luke had been honest with me, always. Now it was my turn, even if I hated burdening him with the knowledge of my past. But they said there was strength in numbers, so maybe this would lighten the load for both of us.

I knew that was a lie. My load was heavy and I was just tired of carrying it alone. I was weak.

But Luke trusted me, cared for me enough to want to know. And if I told him this last secret, it was unlikely he’d ever let me leave his sight again.

“Del? Are you ok? You’ve gone silent.” Luke teased, but his voice was tense.

“I have to tell you something.” I tried to make the words sound strong, but I just sounded pathetic.

I thought Luke couldn’t get any more tense, but his muscles clenched even more underneath me.

I glanced up at him, watched his eyes tighten in fearful anticipation of what I was going to say.

I looked back down at our interlocked hands and bit my lip.

“Do you remember before, back in Brisbane, when I talked to you and told you everything?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember how I told you about what my ex-boyfriend tried to do to me? And how I saved myself by kicking him in the balls and running.”

There was a tense pause. Then: “Yes.”

There was a heavy silence following his answer.

“I lied.” I whispered.

“I’ll kill him.” Luke’s words were a primal growl, protective and terrifying.

I shivered. “He didn’t…go all the way. He spiked my drink one night when we were out. I don’t remember much of what happened after that. But I remember waking up on his bed, and he was taking my clothes off. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I was clear headed by then, but I pretended to still be drugged up. He believed me. I kicked him in the balls, bashed his head with the lamp and then took off. I felt so disgusting, so dirty afterwards. That’s why I tried to…y’know. Take the pills. Because I felt like I wasn’t worthy of anything anymore.”

Tears streaked coldly down my face.

Luke just held me close, and that was all I needed. Words wouldn’t help me, wouldn’t justify anything. I just needed Luke to hold me so I would feel safe.

I would always be safe in his arms.

*

Luke was antsy the next morning.

He was frustrated and tense and clingy, refusing let me leave his sight.

Part of me was awed that he cared enough about me to get so protective, but mostly I was just irritated.

I’d spent the last few years of my life feeling more alone than I had ever before, had struggled with the feelings of isolation and the thought that no one cared about me.

I knew my dad had cared, but it had been hard for him, I knew that. He’d struggled with depression himself.

I wasn’t used to so much care and protection all at once, I wasn’t used to someone wanting to be around me constantly.

I knew Luke wasn’t doing it on purpose, that he was just worried for my safety.

But it still made me feel suffocated.