Lists | Phan

Three: Keeping Tabs

Phil grinned at his friend,

"So...Carrie." His smile widened as Chris suddenly choked on air. Phil let out a deep chuckle as Chris tried to compose himself by hiding his face in his hands. After a few seconds he peeked up at Phil from between his fingers and sighed.

"She's so beautiful, Phil. It's the hair. It's so long and perfect...I want to run my fingers through it, I want to kiss it – is that weird?" Yeah, that's pretty weird.

"No." Smile.

"I don't know what to do, I just want to take her out some place nice and-"

And then it suddenly hit Phil in a way it had never occured to him until now. He didn't even need to listen to anymore, his panic already kicking into overdrive. His mind was like a nuclear explosion behind the iron facade of "supportive best friend" that was plastered on his face.

Chris was serious about Louise. He wanted to date her, and take her places, and maybe everything would go perfectly, and they'd move in together. They'd spend beautiful, lazy nights in front of the television, have candle-lit dinners and love and cherish each other more than they could possibly love and cherish Phil. They'd leave him.

They'd leave him.

Oh, fuck no.

Chris's babbling trailed off and he lay back on the crisp grass, arm covering his face.

"Her hair is so perfect." He murmured, voice croaky.

Smile.

Smile like you fucking mean it.

Spout out some supportive friend bullshit.

Eren's nails cut into the palm of his hand.

Encouraging words slipped meaninglessly from his lips, and Chris hung onto the end of every one of them.

"But are you sure she's even into guys though?" Phil asked suddenly, an idea forming in his head. "I've never seen her interested be in any guys at all, but she does hang out with that Grace girl quite a lot?"

Phil should know, he had used Carrie to recruit Grace into their group. The two girls did kickboxing together after classes on Wednesdays; Carrie had even asked Phil's fucking permission-

Chris's face fell and it actually pained Phil to see it. The sudden tightening of guilt in his chest was foreign, unwelcome and disgusting. He never meant to hurt Chris but in these kinds of situations it was inevitable.

There's no way in hell I'm letting you leave me. Phil thought to himself.

Phil's gaze was suddenly caught by an tall brown haired boy walking near them with a nervous look on his face. Phil knew him as Alfie Deyes, a third year student who was friends with Grace. He occasionally joined them at their table in the cafeteria but he never had much to say.

Phil followed him with his eyes until he saw where he was headed.

Sat under a tree not too far from them, with an oversized blazer draped over his shoulders was Dan. It looked like he was sleeping, but he stirred and opened his eyes as the noise of Alfie's footsteps grew nearer. His usual indifferent expression settled on his face, but his eyes carried a devious glint to them as he regarded the nervous boy walking towards him.

Chris was suddenly ignored as Phil's full attention focussed on the two men. Phil had seen Dan around campus quite a few times, his eyes automatically seeking him in a crowd more times than he liked to admit. When they passed in the corridors Phil always made sure to offer him a warm smile, but all he received was an icy stare in return. A few times, he'd caught Dan watching him interact with his friends, amusement lighting up his eyes. It was frustrating. So far, Dan was the only person in the whole of goddamn university that didn't seem to like him and it irked Phil to no end.