Lists | Phan

Three: Keeping Tabs

It took a few weeks, but Phil settled in nicely to university life.

At first, balancing studies, assignments and keeping tabs on all of his friends was a little overwhelming, but he got the hang of it quickly.

Phil had managed to land himself a part-time job at a diner a little ways off-campus and made quick work of winning all the customers over with calculated smiles and devious words. All it took was a wink, a grin – or even a ruthlessly cute yawn; "oh I'm just a little sleepy from college" and tips found their merry way to his back pocket. The managers weren't safe either, not from the way Phil's shirt rode up ever so slightly when he stretched and yawned, slyly mentioning that he was up all night studying for a test and he was so tired – and they were simply falling over themselves; "Oh Phil, sweetie, why don't you take the rest of the night off?" A conniving, unseen smirk. Wide, innocent blue eyes.

"But...I can't-"

"Don't worry, we'll pay you until the end of your shift. You just go home and get some sleep – you work so hard!"

An exhausted but immensely grateful smile that disappeared the second he was out the door.

The crazed, triumphant glint in his eye was seen by none.

He was now the clear, undisputed leader of his group, too. No one did anything without his knowledge, no one strayed from the pack, and no one even got a hair cut without asking Phil his opinion first. He was getting pretty well-known around campus too. Everyone had heard of Phil Lester, the first year student with the ocean in his eyes and a smile for everyone; kept his best friends close and could be found at the end of classes fastidiously writing notes in the library. There was never a lack of students eager to join his group and get into Phil's good books, and this filled his chest with a sick kind of joy.

It was exhausting though, mentally and physically. Inwardly crushing his true thoughts and feelings, never letting them show through his face, body language or eyes. Phil could barely get enough sleep. The mental fatigue made him slightly more irritable – which meant he had to try even harder to keep any anger under wraps. It all went unnoticed, though. The marks in his palm where he'd dug his nails into them to physically restrain himself from punching someone. The occasional toothaches he'd get from the times when he'd gritted his teeth in an attempt to hold back cutting words and scathing remarks just dying to be released. Headaches from stress, from over thinking...

But it was worth it. He was exactly where he wanted to be. No one would ever leave him.

Except...

"Hey man, I don't feel like going to Psychology today. Skip with me?" Phil was all mischievous blue eyes and hidden intentions.

Chris looked a little hesitant at first, but it disappeared in a split second as he nodded and followed Phil in the direction of the field. It was a crisp October morning and quite a few students were making the most of the last dregs of sunshine – some lying on the field with their friends, some sat on benches hunched over books. Phil marched briskly towards a patch of grass a considerable distance away from the other students.

"Tyler and PJ can deal without us for one lesson."

Phil sat down and motioned for Chris to do the same. There was a crunch of dry leaves as Chris plopped down next to him. Chris was obviously wondering why Eren had brought him here.

Chris was infatuated with Louise. It was obvious from the beginning, especially to someone like Phil who had poured over books on body language – but it stepped up to a worrying level recently. He had made a list about it already - points including finding out more about these feelings, and working out how to combat them.