Eddsworld X Reader: Oneshot Policy Dicks 'n' Shit

Rivals x Reader: Christmas Gifts

Why did you think this was a good idea?

This was only going to end terribly, and you knew it.

Your roommates, Jon, Mark and Eduardo, currently sat around in the living room, all rather displeased with the turn of events.

They all made sure to lock their doors, how did you get in?

God, they should've seen this coming.

Booty shorts, of all things.

THAT's what you had to leave.

It was cold outside, snow falling gently from the sky, the windows littered with the frosty kisses of winter and the warmth of the house was humbling. You were wrapped in your blanket, a large, goofy grin on your face as you watched them sit in a seemingly unbreakable silence.

You snickered, at which Eduardo glared at you.

"fUCKING BOOTY SHORTS." He started, already raising his voice. Of course, you, being the little chucklefuck you are, began snorting and giggling, a hand over your mouth to try and silence yourself.

"Could've at LEAST left us some fuckin' shirts." He grumbled.

"Booty shorts and ugly Christmas sweaters that say 'Little gay and ready to play', 'Kinda Bi and ready to try' and 'Big straight and ready to participate', don't really go together, dude." You stated, beginning to full-heartedly laugh.

".............I'm afraid to ask who would've gotten which sweater." Said Jon, frowning.

"You already know which one you would've gotten." Mark smirked, crossing his arms. God damn, was he fuckin' fOINE.

Mark didn't seem as unhappy as the other two, but he wasn't about to admit that he wanted to show off his body to you. Not yet, at least. That could wait. At least, until you said something about how %50 percent of him was pefectly hot and the rest was charming. He hoped you'd say that. He'd find a way to get you to say it. You'd admit it to him, one way or another. He fucking wanted it.

Eduardo didn't have too bad of a body. He was muscular. But, he was also a tiny bit tubby, which made him look slightly toned with amazingly crafted arms and such, but it didn't show a whole bunch on his stomach. It was still pleasant, though. He also had a fuckin' trail of happiness. It was still pretty hot on him, though. Worked like hell. Too bad his look of disapproval ruined the entire thing. Maybe if you complimented him. Fuck, if you did that, he would wear his shirt less. Screw that. His ego was big enough as is, he can keep looking fucking angry.

Jon was....smol. He looked soft and frail, fragile and cute. He looked embarrassed, looking down, arms crossed, frowning. It was bishie as fuck, I kid you not. He looked like if he was gently touched somewhere, he'd blush and be all 'n-no, dont do that'. Though, you doubted he'd do that. He seemed gently angry, though. That was in the mix. That sort of ruined it. It ruined the entire idea of him being a gentle little cutie who would cuddle and fluffy shit like that. He would never let Eduardo find out that he was cuddling and showing gushy-like affection. Hugs were fine and dandy, so were small kisses. Hot and steamy ones, too. But, if anything could be listed under 'lovey-dovey', it was nearly out of the question.

He didn't was Eduardo and Mark to make fun of him or somethin'.

Sadly, you didn't give a shit about any of that.

They were in booty shorts, and you could be happy on Christmas day with their fine asses. That was perfectly fine with you.

But, them on the other hand....

They were all sitting around you. Fuck, Mark was straight-up on your lap.

"Fuck're you guys doing," You questioned, looking at all of them suspiciously.

"Feel the wrath of unbearable discomfort." Mark replied, pushing closer to you. As if on cue, Eduardo pulled you blanket away, and placed a hand right above your fucking crotch. Right after, Jon reluctantly put his hand on your butt.

"Fuck off." You narrowed you eyes, pulling a look of disgust.

Eduardo slipped his hand into your pants, letting it idly rest on your panty-clothed crotch.

"nO THAT IS N O T WHAT I MEANT"

"You brought this upon yourself."

You brought your leg upwards, which forced your upper thigh to brush straight against Mark's crotch and Eduardo's hand to move gently against you.

Mark fell backwards, "i cANT"

Immediately, Jon pulled his hand away, his face flushed entirely red. Poor soul.

Eduardo didn't pull away. He simply glared at the two, seemingly disappointed. He kept his hand in your pants, and even applied a little pressure as he seemed to get slightly mad.

"Mate, the fuck d'you want, yESus." You called at him, your voice raising in the instances where he dared to push gently.

"I want my fucking clothes back, holy shit." Growled Eduardo, clearly growing impatient.

"Shut the fuck up, I got you guys presents." You replied plainly, gesturing towards the Christmas tree you had set up.

At this, they perked up. Eduardo pulled his hand from your pants, all three of them immediately looking to the tree.

"I fucking color-coded your presents, so you better be fucking happy. Wrapping's in the color of what I usually see you in, so have fun."

You smiled.

You were fucking color-blind.

"Merry Christmas, assholes."