diamonds | river phoenix

nine

The flight home was long and painful. River was the only thing on my mind, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about him. By the time I arrived in Toronto, I was tired and over everything. I just wanted to go home and sleep; forgetting everything that had happened in the past week.

"You don't look too good." Kate said as I slumped into the passenger seat of her car. I didn't say anything. I wasn't in the mood for talking. I was too upset and angry at myself, I was afraid I would take it out on Kate if I tried talking.

"You okay?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah." I replied, watching a couple walk out of the airport doors. Kate pushed her foot down on the accelerator. We drove off, the airport soon disappearing behind us.

"How was California?" Kate asked.

"It was okay." I replied. It started raining, heavy drops of water falling down hard on the windscreen. I watched two drops fall. It seemed as if they were racing each other, one getting in the lead, then the other overtaking. Kate was talking about something, I couldn't make out what she was saying. I couldn't concentrate on anything, my mind was racing and my eyes were a blur. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

I closed my eyes, listening to the rain. I felt hot and lightheaded. My palms were sweating and my feet were restless.

"You sure you're okay?" Kate asked, pulling over.

"Yeah, I'm just tired." I reassured her. She started the car up again, and we were back home in half an hour.

I pushed open the door with all my strength, it seemed heavier than usual. I dumped my suitcase on the kitchen floor, the buckle unlatching and my clothes falling all over the floor. I didn't care, tears started streaming out of my eyes. It was like all of my emotions from the last day had exploded out of me. I wiped my eyes, bolting up the stairs.

I tripped over my feet, falling face first onto the steps. I got up, rubbing my jaw where I had landed. I opened my bedroom door and slammed it shut, diving into my bed and pushing my face into the pillow.

I screamed for a good 10 minutes or so. I was so mad at myself for doing that to River. He didn't deserve that sort of pain. My feet wouldn't stop moving, so much energy had built up inside of me. I laid there for a while, staring into yeh ceiling. After a while, I felt my self drift off into a deep sleep.

My eyes fluttered open. I didn't know how long I had been asleep for. Minutes? Hours? Days? I couldn't be sure.

I had a pounding headache and I couldn't work out why. Shortly after, I heard screams and wails from downstairs. There were unfamiliar voices, and some that I recognised as well. I slowly creeped down the stairs and poked my head around into the kitchen. Nothing could prepap me for what I saw next.