My Bad Boy Protector ✔

Chapter 35 : That's My Boyfriend

But it's not, it's reality...and I really wish it wasn't."

My eyes watered as he read and as he did emotions began to seep through his tone.

As he came to a slow stop he gazed at me and I pushed him away from me by the chest.

"Monroe-" He began regretfully.

"Is that what you wanted to see?!?" I shouted becoming fed up with hiding my emotions. "You want to give me a lecture on how messed up I am? Sorry, because I already know that but you're even more of a sick bastard for doing this to me without giving me a chance to explain."

"I did!"

I scoffed, "Five seconds?"

Why was it that out of everybody in the entire world to find this it had to be him? The one person who I cared about what he thinks of me? I thought desperately.

"Explain now then." He demanded and I stuttered over my own words.

"W-Well I-I um..." He glared at me making me feel inferior and also very hurt.

"You want to kill yourself?!" He shouted and I shrunk back.

"You're desperate enough to starve yourself to please people with a body that is 'ideal' in this society?"

"No I don't!" I fought back desperately.

"Then why the hell do you write things like this? Why the fuc-!"

"Because I was depressed goddammit!" I wailed as the tears finally escaped.

I saw him suck in a sharp breath.

"I had no one," I began slowly, my voice sounding awfully melancholy to my own ears. "I was clinically depressed and my father knew; he realized when he found me in a tub of water in my bathroom unconscious a few weeks after my mom's death. He got me professional help. I had to see a therapist three times a week for two hours of the day. He got people who aided me with my frustration, anger and pure hatred towards the world. I slowly came out of that state. It took months, almost a year, but I eventually did. I became better in the eyes of the doctors but the bitterness I had inside me never faded away. I needed something to cope with that other than the words I received from those doctors and my therapist to hold onto the only string of sanity I had remaining,"

I looked him in his softened blue eyes. "My journal did that for me."

"Carrie I di- I didn't know I thought-"

"Of course you didn't. You just assumed. You jumped to conclusion without-"

"Can you blame me? You talked about suicide in this thing Carrie," He said as he waved the leather bound book around. "You even attempted it."

"Of course I did!" I spat harshly. "I killed to die, anyone would after witnessing their mother's death right in front of them."

I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

"What?"

I glanced around the room plotting my escape, my gaze directed onto the door but Alex regarded the direction of my stare and stood in front me blocking the only exit.

"Answer my question. What do you mean that you witnessed your mom's death first hand?"

I could feel the natural instinct that told me run anytime things got too much for me kicking in...but I had no where to go this time.

I squirmed under his gaze as he folded his arms over his chest taking a step towards me.

I took a step back.