The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 34

“Uh,” I muttered hesitantly. “Well, I was wondering that, uhm. Well, how--how do you know if you have someone special?”

I held my breath and stared unseeing at the bowl in front of me as I waited for my aunt to answer. Did that question sound too dumb? God, I could be so idiotic sometimes. She drew in a deep breath. It took her a moment to reply, so I figured she was contemplating on what she would say to me.

“Does he treat you right?”

I was shocked because I had not been expecting that of all things. “What?”

“Does he treat you right?” she repeated. “That’s the first thing you should be asking yourself. It’s not about whether you love him or if he loves you. It’s about whether or not you’re good to each other. Because you can’t truly have everything else if the answer to that question is no.”

“You can’t?” I asked, on the border of confusion now.

Vanessa laughed lightly at me. “Not really. Honey, you know you have someone special when being with them makes you feel special. You should always feel wanted and safe with this person. That’s what relationships are all about. And you have to have communication. You both have to know what the other needs, and you have to respect it. It’s not going to be a very healthy relationship if you don’t understand each other and treat each other equally.”

I went back to staring at my spoon as I mixed things up. Vanessa threw more black bacon bits into my bowl before she went back to talking.

“Look at it this way. You should never let yourself get really hurt by the person you’re with. You’re better than that,” she added. “I know you’re a tough kid, but you crack easily. And that’s okay. It’s alright to be sensitive. But that does not mean you deserve to have someone walk all over you. If things aren’t going great right now, then you should end it. You’re young, too. You’ve got all the time in the world to find someone new.”

“I guess,” I mumbled unhappily at her words.

“But I don’t think you’ve got much to worry about. From what I’ve heard, you and Rikert are perfect for each other. Try not to let things get in the way. Let it play out and see how far it goes.”

Honestly, that was what I was worried about. What if Rikert kept pushing things and he went farther than I could ever recover from? I didn’t like when he hit me, but I loved being with him all the other times. He could be so loving and gentle that it made my heart ache.

I frowned to myself. My aunt’s words left me more confused than before I started to ask questions. I knew Rikert and I didn’t have the most normal relationship, but what was normal anyway? It was overrated.

And I did feel wanted by Rikert. He never failed to show me how much he wanted me to be with him. But safe? That depended on the day and the circumstances. I knew that a lot of the time, it was my fault. I ruined things easily and I was the one who brought his temper out. I just had to get better at not aggravating him. I needed to listen more.

As far as communication went, I understood him completely. I knew what I was supposed to do. I did what he wanted. That’s the kind of behaviour we were supposed to have. Rikert called the shots and stumbled along after him. It worked, to a certain extent. Until it didn’t and it left me a crying mess for Patrick to deal with.

But it was already mid-November. Maybe I should just stick with it until I went home in January. It wasn’t that far away, really. I could be good; I could be better. And Rikert wouldn’t want to hit me anymore. And then before I knew it I would be back in New Zealand with my family.

I would actually be safe. Because I knew that trying to end things with Rikert wouldn’t go well. He would never allow it. Besides, I didn’t think I even had it in me to do such a thing. I was weak and Rikert was the missing piece. Everything he did to soothe me and make me feel comfortable when I was with him erased everything else from my mind. I couldn’t think or function properly. It was like my only purpose was to be there with him.