Less Than Three

Chapter 37: Manners, Custom and Fashion

I tried pretending that seeing him standing there didn't affect me, but the next thing I knew: my heart was pounding in my traitor-ish ears and the sidewalk swam in front of me. Someone must have said something funny then. At least, everyone started laughing. If I'd had control of my brain I might have wondered if the joke was on me.

I stopped then and put my hands on my knees to help hold myself in place. Madison glanced back at me with an expression that I could not read. That's when I saw Craig drop an arm around her waist and give her a tiny push forward. She stuttered in her step and a look passed between them. Then Craig was shouting something about cartwheels. He skated ahead, leading the group away from me.

And Dave.

It seemed like forever before either of us spoke. Finally I screwed in my courage and let out some words. "It's not you, you know."

"Oh yeah," he said, "I am painfully aware that it is not me."

"I just couldn't."

"You could. You still can. But you won't. Will you?"

I shook my head and tears flew off my face in a dozen directions. I hadn't even known I was crying. "You promised you'd still be my friend," I said.

He stopped walking then and put his arm around me. He gave my shoulder a squeeze. He did that lip/eyes/speed-read thing and a fresh bunch of tears leaked out. He kissed my forehead and ran ahead to the rest of the group.

All I wanted to do was drop to the ground and sob. Instead, I wiped away my tears and was glad, at least, that I wasn't the kind of girl who had to deal with runny mascara.

I heard footsteps pounding behind me and turned just as Brady caught up to me. I could tell he was pissed. Good. I was glad we were going to be honest for once.

"What was THAT all about?" he asked.

"We were talking."

"With his arm around you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"How cozy."

"We had a few things to clear up."

"Like what?" He picked up a half-crushed soda can from the sidewalk and threw it against a stop sign. Hard.

I glared back at him, just as hard. "Like how we're going to be just friends. Okay?"

I said this a little loud so he shushed me and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby, it's just ... this makes me crazy."

Yeah. It made me a little crazy too.

Madison was waiting for us at the fairground's gate. The way she held her arms over her chest and her mouth in such a tight line made me afraid she was going to let me have it for ... God, I didn't know. For what? I'd ended things with Dave. I was standing there with Brady. What else could I do to make it up to her?

But it wasn't me that had her grasping so hard to keep things together. It was Jacob. She'd caught him feeding cotton candy to a cute freshman. She was tearfully explaining this while Brady squirmed next to me. He whispered in my ear, "How long is this going to take?"

My mouth dropped open and I gave him the death stare. What? Did he expect me to put her on a stopwatch?

"Jeez," he said as he walked away, "I was only asking."

That left me and Madison. 'Don't mess this up' I told myself. But then her lip started quivering again and she started making noises about wanting to go home. She'd found a whole new cache of sad-ass songs on some internet site and she was anxious to give them a listen. Besides, now that Brady and I were back together, things would go back to normal again soon. Wouldn't they? Wouldn't they?

I tried biting the inside of my cheek. I looked around for Craig, but he was nowhere to be seen. I cleared my throat. I swung my arms. I took a breath in ... two ... three ... four. Out ... two ... three ... four. But none of it worked.

"You know," I said to her, in what I hoped was a calm and reasonable voice, "maybe it's time you quit counting on other people to make you happy."

She sniffed and pushed her satiny hair behind her ears. She wiped her eyes, stood up a little straighter and said, "Maybe you're right."

I was?

I followed her to the grandstand and was just about to step onto the entry ramp when my dad called my name. I turned to see him in his goofy conquistador armor outfit. He looked nervous. 

"It's like this," I told him, "quitters never win and winners never quit."

He laughed and gave me a cardboard-y, aluminum foil-ish hug. "That's my line, isn't it?" he said.

And we entered the arena.

<3