I'll Kiss Your Dumb Lips

Chapter 8

Trigger warning: mention of past abuse

Maritza's pov

Saying that I was scared would be a understatement. I was petrified of what this girl was doing to me. She was slowly breaking down the walls that I desperately tried to hold up. I never took it upon myself to label myself. I never was clear of what my sexuality was, but God, when I looked at her I felt like I did. I can't love her though, it's embedded in my mind that I can't love. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I am worthle-

"What's going on in that little pretty head of yours?" Flaca asks. My thoughts drowned out by her soft whisper.

"I-I I have to go, I'm sorry." I say as I quickly get up.

"Maritza! Wait!" Flaca calls out but is already to late. I am already half way out of the door. I need to get out of this place. Before I end up having an anxiety attack or worse, another break down.

"Hey mar!" Jane Watson calls out right when I was about to reach the doors to go back to the bunks. "I was looking for you, I was going to see if you were still going to join me in our daily jog. You've been blowing me off for a couple of weeks."

"Hey." I say. My eyes red from the burning tears that I have yet to shed.

"And by the looks of it you need it." She replies, not in a mocking tone but a soft understanding one. Jane arrived here at litchfield the same day as me, we both had a loss look in our eyes. We stuck together until she was took in in by taystee and them. Watson was a few years older than me, she took it upon herself to protect me, not from the girls who use to try too hurt me but from me. She was like my older sister.

She taught me to run. Run when I felt like giving up. Run when I couldn't feel the inner pain anymore. It gave me a escape for when the thoughts were to unbearable too handle. Others turn to music when they become to unbearable but I don't. They try to drown them out, but I don't. I wouldn't dare run away from my problems, ignoring the pain won't make it go away it will only make it worse.

Running was relaxing. Especially on those days when the sun was shining bright and the wind was blowing, or on those days when the sun was hidden behind the crying clouds and the hard ground was turned into soft mud. The way my feet felt on the mushy dirt was heaven, and the way my lungs burned like I was drinking alcohol filled my body with warmth that I desperately longed for.

"Sure, I'll join you." I finally respond to her.

"Ok, we should get going. We'll start with a mile then work our way up."

"Ok." I replied. A comfortable silence fell over us as we made our way over to the field.

"Let's stretch first." Jane states as we arrived at the track.

"I'd rather not, I'd rather get right to it."

"Okay. If that's what you want." Watson calls out as she takes off. "Try to keep up though!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"You fuckin bet it is!"

After running about three miles around the track we both finally gave up and decided that that was enough for the day. I was exhausted. all I wanted to do was take a warm shower and hopefully catch up on some sleep before heading to dinner. Although it is unhealthy for us, Watson and I skipped lunch.

"It was fun running with you again. We need to start doing this more often. It helps me not only stay in good physical shape but also mentally." I tell Watson as we both head back to our banks.