The Program

Chapter 11

With everything that I've been through.. will I ever be truly happy and be able to tell the difference between fake happiness and genuine happiness?

My parents died when I was young. I should've died too. I was in the car with them, and where in the car I was sitting, I should've been hurt the most. It makes no sense.

Instead of me being the one to die, it ended up being both my mom and dad.

Losing both of my parents at the same time did a double take on me. I didn't have anyone to take care of me. Both of my grandparents on my mom and dad's side of the family were dead. The only choice was for my Uncle Mystogan and Aunt Laki to take custody of me. 

Uncle Mystogan hates my guts. It's because he thinks it's my fault that my parents are dead. And with all the execrable words he throws at me, I sometimes start to believe that it's my fault too. 

I started to bury myself into my schoolwork due to my depression. Plus in general, I just wanted to get good grades. I don't know how I ended up in honors classes. It was something that just happened. But with all the work that was given to me since I needed to catch up, I started to stress out.

But living there wasn't that bad. Aunt Laki treated me as if I were her own daughter, and that in itself gave me motivation to keep going. 

Although it wasn't enough.

In middle school, I ended up having a heart attack. It's a miracle I'm still alive and breathing right now. But as a result, I have to take tons of medication daily in order to function properly. Apparently, heart problems run in the family.

Afterwards, I pretty much was in the hospital more than I was in my own home. I was always in that kind of enviroment. My life was always on the line.

Always, always, always.

It's not surprising that I was depressed. But with each passing day, my depression worsened. In some way, I had to keep myself going. And the only way to do that was to pretend to be happy.

I know. It's not a good thing to do. But even if it was just a lie, for at least one second, I didn't want to feel sadness any longer.

That's why I can easily spot a forced smile. I've been doing it all the time, too. If I'm right, what would his reason be for doing it, though?

After I noticed his smile when he introduced himself, I really didn't think much of it. It's mostly because I had a lot on my mind. Plus, how would I even approach him?

Sure, to start a small conversation would be easy, but to talk to him about a personal subject? Not so much. Approaching him about that would be tough.

I need to stop thinking about this and just wish him a happy birthday already before my opportunity to do so is taken away.

I turned my head and looked back over at Natsu. He was still talking to the black haired guy sitting next to him. My chest started to feel a bit fluttery. ''Happy birthday.''

Natsu's black eyes glanced over at me. For a second, his eyes captured mine and a light grin spread across his face. ''Thank you.'' 

I nodded back slightly before turning around in the seat. Was the smile he gave me a real one or a fake one? I can't tell this time.

Either because I really can't tell and I'm just imagining things, or I'm somewhat bothered by the fact that after he thanked me I suddenly feel freakishly happy and as if I accomplished something wonderful.

I sighed to myself, glancing up at the board. Ms. Strauss was still writing, her eyes looking completely focused.

What would Loke say during a time like this?

''You're probably crushing on someone, Lucy.'' Loke smirked then chuckled playfully, scratching the back of his neck.

He would definitely say that. But I don't know about the crushing on someone part. I don't develop feelings with just a snap of the finger.

I miss Loke. If he hadn't moved before the heart attack mess and lost all contact with me, then maybe we still would've been best friends. 

But it doesn't matter right now.

All of that is in the past.

And right now is the present that leads to the future.

But will I even make it to see the future?

No, no, no. I can't think like that. I don't want to think like that right now. I still have a lot ahead of me. I still have dreams that I want to accomplish.

Now that I think about it.. what are my dreams?

I couldn't think of an answer to that and it frightened me.

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I'm so sorry if this chapter is shit. I wanted to get it out. I'm also sorry if the feelings are developing too quickly. That's not my intention. I'll also like to say that this story is very character-driven. I want the readers to notice the changes of each character as they go through the hectic obstacles of life. This story is not only about romance, but the growth of each character.