Brea

Dear beautiful big sister..

Hey baby girl. I know you're up there dancing and singing and just having a good time but I miss you babe. I really miss you. I never got to meet you but god do I miss you. Each and every day I think well maybe if Brea was here then maybe some things that happened wouldn't have happened. My life happened and you aren't here to guide me or to tell me how its gonna be okay or if something is worth crying over and I need that about right now. Its Christmas and I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I was thinking and thinking ruins everything. I thought Brea isn't here for this Christmas and now I'm crying. Maybe being an angel isn't the best thing right now. I wish you could be sitting in front of me and we could be playing a game or smiling and laughing over silly things but we're not. Sometimes I feel like if maybe you had lived we would or could be close I dont have that many friends because I shut everyone out. Im not sure if you know this but me and Lexy dont talk to mom anymore. I hope that's alright with you because she is your mom too. We went to your grave a little while ago and u realized something. I need you. I need some guidance m I would ask Lexy but she just laughs and walks away. I have some friends I can tell things to bullying its not the same as being able to come home to your sister and tell her everything about your day. Maybe I'm just delusional but I really like to see you. I see girls in the hallways and I'm like maybe that's what Brea could look like but I wont know.. Do you grow up in heaven? I want to know if when I meet you I'll be meeting a girl my age or a baby girl that doesn't know who I am. I would like my big sister to come home please. I love you Brea you're never out of my mind and I really care about you a lot. Love you....
Love.. Calli