Words of madness.

Snow and Rain.

January 15th, 2009

"Nah, I think snow is the earth's way of erasing its mistakes. When the snow covers the ground it looks like a brand new piece of paper." He told me. "I see how its both good and bad. Its good to have snow outside of you, not inside."
How could snow get inside of you? I thought. Looking back on it,
It was a stupid question.

November 2nd, 2014

It was funny when we met.
I was sitting in a class room for an after school music program. I sat my bass guitar in the desk next to me.
I caught the eye of a couple flute players. They were clearly younger than me, but I didn't care. Back then, I was-it just didn't matter I guess.
Everyone who was enrolled in the program was specialized in music. I waited in that desk as everyone came rushing in. Then, I saw this girl with long black hair walk in with her violin case. She was undeniably attractive. She unbuttoned her black trench coat and sat down in the back. She looked so determined and slightly sad. I remember my first thoughts were to try and seduce her, flirt with her a bit.
That was my problem.
I was a whore-I was a monster. I was a natural at flirting you could ask anyone.
At the time I was in a relationship, however, it was an open relationship and was rather abusive. We didn't really love each other. I don't think we ever could. We just had sex a lot when ever we needed it and then, we also were having other affairs on the side of our relationship. I was addicted to physical attraction and feeling.

The conductor was done with introductions and the normal "Lets get along as a team" speech. We had the last 30 minuets to walk around and make some friends. I walked over to the back and tried to talk to the girl with the violin case. I said "Hi." She asked "Can I help you." Strange for a first impression.
I introduced myself and smiled at her. All she did was nod her head and turn her head away. When I asked for her name, she looked at me all confused and like she really didn't want to tell me.
"Jeanette." She smiled "but you can call me Jean."
Liar.
"Nice to meet you." I said, I started flirting with her and for a while, she didn't really do much. Then to my surprise she started flirting back with me like crazy. She was really good. She didn't start of all cute and innocent with her flirting, no she had gotten down and dirty with it and it made me flinch. She was killing me and it bugged me so bad. Next thing I knew we were competing with each other, through flirting. We both competitive got engaged in some crazy flirting.
Sadly I had discovered she had a boyfriend she was crazy for at the time. So I had backed off.
For a while she didn't show up for the music program. I was back into my horny ways, and she was I imagined with her boyfriend.

June 3rd, 2015.

School was out and the music program was in full swing. The girl with her long dark hair was back. I guess I had become 'Friend zoned' After hearing she had broken up with her boyfriend, she met a guy who was in the same program as us. is name was Peter Lucas. He was this pretty cool guitar player. Not to long after, we all became pretty good friends. Peter and that girl with the black hair seemed like they were gonna be more than just friends. I went over to that girl's place a lot. Somehow I ended up going there a lot with Peter. We started writing songs together and we just seemed to fit.
My boyfriend had dumped me, said I was a disgusting person. I found it really ironic considering he was no better than I was.
I thought I had it handled. I thought I had my feelings under control. I guess I didn't. I was out of control, to the point I was with someone almost every other night, then almost every five hours or so. One night I got drunk, like stupid drunk and I ended up walking over to that girl's place. Don't ask me how my drunk ass got up the stairs.
She took care of me and tolerated me. I thought it was strange. She was nice to me. She somehow was blessed with the power to put up with my dumbass. I thought it was great. She looked through the songs I had wrote and told me they were all really sad.
"Yea, I guess so huh?" She smiled and nodded.