Possession (Editing)

Chapter 20

"Elementary I never had a friend. Not once. No one sat with me at lunch..no one came and approached me. I couldnt escape the middle school. I was fine then, my dad had left and my weight was being leveled out, but i was still thick...a bad one. High school came around and.....Tangie. That was her name, she used to purge....I never knew why because she was the perfect weight. She was my bestfriend. I dont know if I was hers but I guess that doesnt matter now. But I guess I found out the base of her mental torment." I paused and wiped my nose. "My very first party was in 10th grade. There were drinks and it was at her house, everyone dressed in half shirts and short shorts, revealing curves and ass and boobs and shit. As you can see I cant hold my liquor. I stumbled into a room and remember laying on a couch. I was dizzy and I wanted to throw up for more than one reasons. The lights when out and my mouth was covered and someone tried to have their way with me-" 

"Baby-" 

"His fingers probed me, parted me and moved me back and forth trying to create moisture. My intoxication gave him the physical reaction he needed. I began screaming and lights turned on. Tangie was staring into my eyes as a familiar man hovered over me. My dads best friend. Do you wanna know what Tangie said?" I paused and noticed Eli had tears in his eyes. "She said, 'Dad, get that slut out our house.'" I stopped and covered my face. "My own best friend was the daughter of the bastard that molested me. She let him." I sobbed in my hands and felt warm hands rub my back. "Oh but the story gets better. The next week at school she had told everyone I seduced her dad and fucked him. Then a few months later when I began gaining weight, they said I pregnant. But after more months went by and I stayed chunky, they said I got an abortion. So not only was I a father fucking slut, I was a baby killer." I chuckled in disbelief and sat up. "Things got better once I met Amy." Then I felt like I couldnt say anymore. I said all I could, which was far too much. I looked back at Eli who continued to just stare at me. "What?" I ask and he just shakes his head. He probably thought I was some dramatic ass girl with emotional problems. Or some insecure fat.. "I shouldnt have told you shit. Im leaving." I said, standing to my feet. "No baby. I wasnt going to say anything because I dont know if you like getting advice. Come to bed and let me hold you." I yank from his grip, "So you can just touch me again? Have your way and then go on with your life? Seriously look at me, you cant be satisfied with just me. What, you never had virgin pussy before? You want something new?" The questions were just pouring out of my mouth and I couldn't control it. "Rayleen you're stressing. You know I like you, I dont just want sex. If I did I would go and get it by now." Maybe it was my anger, my overwhelming of emotions but I couldnt help with what I was saying. "You disgust me. Youre no better than the son of a bitches who touched me." I whispered harshly. His expression hardened. "I dont molest. Dont ever compare me to those bastards. I would never intentionally hurt you." He said, trying to touch my cheek. "Dont touch me." I spat and backed up. "You know what Im suddenly not feeling this relationship thing anymore. Let me stick to being your assitant or better yet let me switch with Miss.NewBitch. Maybe independence is what I need." Did I even mean this? Yes...hurting myself was hurting him and it was lethal to us both. "Rayleen no. Youre mine." It wasnt a possessive tone. It sounded vulnerable..lost. "No. Im not. You dont...know me." I breathed and darted for the door. "Rayleen, rest on everything. I accept and respect your past, I feel honored you told me everything-" 

"Cut the shit Carter." I said gripping the door door handle. My chest felt like it was going to cave in. "Baby stay." His voice was gentle and tugged at the side of me that wanted to stay...so he couls hold me...accept me. "I cant do this anymore." I said, keeping my back to him "Are you-Are you breaking up with me?" I never heard a man sound so hurt, so disturbed. It troubled my mind, automatically sent my mind off ease. "Yeah I guess I am." And slammed the door shut.

I told the cab driver to drive me to the nearest bar where I intended on drinking at least three margaritas and calling Amy to come pick me up like she used to. Those were the days. 

"What'll it be Miss?" The bartender asked me as I sat in the swirly chair that would be my main source of amusement and laughter after about two drinks. "Fuck the margarita. The strongest thing you got." I replied. I probably sounded like a complete alcoholic but I didnt care. The bartender returned with a clear drink and I sipped it and cringed, "Well here's to the many more to come." I mumbke and lift my drink up for a cheer. "Many more? What a tough breakup?" I heard next to me. "I guess you could say that." I muttur and turn to see the stranger I was talking to."Andre?" He smiles at me, "The one and only." He replies with a smile. "I thought you lived in Utah." I said smiling. Actually smiling. "I was getting ready to say the same thing." He charms back with a smirk. "Well what brings you here?" I ask, looking down at my drink. Shit was I nervous? "I live here. Just moved here for a new job. Im guessing you live here too." I nod and sip at my drink, "Why are you at the bar?" He adds. "Oh you know. Confessing your lifestory to someone who couldnt possibly understand." Alcohol made me loquacious. "A boyfriend?" 

"An ex." I correct regrettably. I barely noticed I finished my drink, I guess when Eli got nervous he drank his coffee fast and mine was the same except with liquor. Of course mine was more of a problem. I couldnt even think about Eli. I wonder what he would think about me being here with Andre. Like he would care. Damnit Rayleen stop thinking too much! "Well its a beautiful night, we both had a drink, lets raid the town." He suggests and I look at him cautiously. "Dont worry, Im not how I acted at the club. Im really a nice guy," i look at him with a slow smile, "As long as Im home by 11."  

"Done. Who do you have to go home to?" He teases. "A tabby cat named Jinx and she would kill me if I came home late." I reply and chuckle. He laughs along and nods, "Well lets go do some damage." He says grinning and paid off my drink. He held his hand out to me and I paused...tonight didnt happen...nothing that happens tonight..matters and I took his hand with no regrets. 

~*~*~*~*~*~~~~~~~ 

A/N as sexual as this book may be, it does have a story line.

As for the bulimia situation...to my readers who are doing it or have I know this road, trust me I took it..and those who dont understand the reasoning of it...people may see us as skinny...or people who do it as skinny...but when they look in the mirror...its different. Whether they grew up in a regular family and have nice friends...you dont know what goes through a persons mind...day by day 

Just a little two cents...if anyone wants to talk about this or any self harm/depression/rape/molestation anything at all..never hesitate to pm me...any time, ill reply as soon as I see it... 

Update tonight...