Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 61

"Did you take us to your stinky feet universe?" Max asked. "Great job, Zeke."

"Hey, I hear someone coming," Zeke said. "Maybe we should hide."

"Or we could just, you know, jet," Max said as he pointed at the door that still hung suspended in the air.

"That voice sounds familiar," Zeke said while furling his brow. "Pull that door down and shove it in your pocket. I want to see what the hell's going on here."

"Have it your way," Max shrugged as he crumpled the door up and stuck it in his front pocket.

"Let's stand in this dark corner over here and be quiet," Zeke said. He grabbed Max by the arm and pulled him into the darkness just as a little green man covered in bruises and scratches came stumbling into view. Behind him marched a muscular red devil wielding a whip. It swung it at the green man and it made a loud cracking sound.

"Keep marching," the devil croaked.

"You fiends can do whatever you want with me, but you'll never defeat the Hooblerian race. We shall overcome!"

"I think I know that guy," Zeke whispered once they had passed. "I mean, I'm not sure. They all basically look the same. But that was definitely a Hooblerian. I think it might have been Captain Moogreet. Let's follow them and see where they go."

"Well, all right," Max said. "But this seems a whole lot like trouble. And not the fun kind of trouble, like dating a stripper with daddy issues."

They followed cautiously behind at a discreet distance. Gradually the hallway ended in what appeared to be a balcony overlooking a large room. A long staircase led down from where they stood to the room below.

The room was dominated by a gigantic throne made out of skulls. A massive demon with shiny ebony black scales sat in it. The demon had three curved horns protruding from its head, each of which must have been over ten feet long. It had flaming red eyes above two slits in its face where a nose might have otherwise been located. It had a huge gaping jaw filled with sharp fangs, as well as a pair of pincers on either side of its mouth. It also had long muscular arms, each of which ended in giant eight-fingered hands with long sharp claws. Enormous leathery wings were folded up behind its back. It was currently chewing on what appeared to be a small human leg.

The demon made a loud chittering noise and Zeke and Max could hear words forming inside their heads, even as they ducked down in hopes of not being noticed.

"I hunger still. Bring me another human to feed upon. Make sure it is a child. Younglings are so much more tasty. First I shall suck out its soul, then I shall feast on its flesh."

"Right away, great Lord and Master," a dark crimson devil said as it fled the room.

"Oh, great and powerful Master," the devil they'd been following said as it shoved the Hooblerian to the ground. "I have brought you the leader of the Hooblerian spacecraft we intercepted."

"Excellent," the large demon said as a huge drop of drool fell from its lips and splattered on the ground. "I shall torture him for information and then slake my thirst with his blood and lymphatic fluid. But first I shall see my cravings for tender child meat satisfied. Speaking of which, the zesty green dipping sauce you have been serving lately has been of vastly inferior quality. This displeases me. Who is in charge of acquiring my condiments?"

"I apologize, great Lord and Master," another voice sounded in their heads as a familiar looking white demon groveled before the throne.

"Hey, I recognize that guy," Max whispered. "That's the Warlord. That's the jerk who stole my flask."

"I recognize him, too," Zeke said. "He's the demon Master who attacked me at the space port and then chased us into a black hole."

"It doesn't look like he's the demon master to me," Max whispered back. "I'd say that title belongs to the big scaly black sucker on the throne."

"Then that must be..." Zeke said. "Oh no."

"What?" Max asked.

"That's got to be Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds," Zeke said.

"Whoever he is, he seems like a seriously bad dude," Max said.

They were interrupted by the sound of an inhuman voice invading the inside of their heads. "Explain yourself, worm. What is the meaning of serving me sub-par zesty green dipping sauce? The whole point of eating human younglings is dipping them in the zesty green dipping sauce."

"I am very sorry, great Lord and Master," the white demon said. "I had an operation in place to harvest the green from a small planet in another universe. Of all the locations we have tried in a multitude of universes, it seemed to yield the most succulent zesty green dipping sauce. Unfortunately, a group of native interlopers destroyed the machine and then attacked our base of operations. I had no choice but to flee. Attempts have been made to harvest the green from other worlds and other universes, but none seem to be equal in quality to our Quartzwater City operation. You may execute me for my failure, if that is your desire. In the meantime, I have brought you this quantum mirror I captured as a sign of my atonement. I believe it to be an object of great power."

The massive black demon took the mirror and studied it for a moment. "Very well. I shall spare you for the time being. But mark my words. You will resolve the issue of the zesty green dipping sauce."

"Yes, great and powerful Lord and Master," the white demon said as it bowed to the floor. "Might I suggest in the meantime we could squeeze our Hooblerian captive into a facsimile of the zesty green dipping sauce?"

"The Hooblerian shall be consumed in one manner or another," the black demon said. "Perhaps we shall see how well he serves as a dip."

"Do your worst," Captain Moogreet said and spat on the floor.  "You will never defeat Hoobler. We bow to no one. Certainly not scum like you. Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds.  Pshaw!  More like Zyvax the Intergalactic Idiot."

"Fool," the big black demon laughed. "Hoobler is nothing more than a minor irritant in my bowels. I shall eradicate it from existence and you shall be the agent of your planet's utter annihilation as I wring the information from you I need."

"I'll never talk," Captain Moogreet said.

"Yes. You will." Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds smiled a big toothy grin. "Everyone talks in the end. No matter how strong-willed or impervious to pain, everyone talks. We can be highly persuasive. And we can make your agony last a very, very long time."

"This place truly seems funner than a barrel of monkeys," Max whispered. "But I'm thinking we should probably get the heck out of here."

"We can't just leave Captain Moogreet in his clutches," Zeke whispered back. "I mean, yeah, he did abduct me, but nobody deserves what's going to happen to him. We have to do something."

"Yeah? You got some big plan?" Max whispered. "In case you hadn't noticed, that guy's apparently known for destroying worlds on an intergalactic scale. I've destroyed a few hotel rooms in my day, but that's hardly on the same level."

"Well, there's got to be something we can do," Zeke said.

A pair of heavy hands fell on their shoulders and they were lifted off the ground by a large devil who had walked up behind them unnoticed. "Master! We have intruders!"

"Yeah, well we can get ourselves captured," Max said. "That's certainly something."