Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 42

Nulfar gasped. "Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds? This is horrible news."

"Who's Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds?" Zeke asked.

"Only our most ancient and fearsome enemy," Nulfar said. "He may also be the closest thing in the universe to the embodiment of pure evil. He feeds on the suffering of others and has traveled from galaxy to galaxy for as far back as time stretches inflicting utter annihilation everywhere he goes. The more slowly and the more horrifying methods in which he can cause destruction, the happier he is."

"This doesn't sound like a very good guy to be tangling with," Zeke said.

"He's not. Many eons ago, in a completely different galaxy he destroyed our ancient home world. Hoobler I was said to be the fairest planet ever to exist. Ice cream sundaes grew on trees and it rained valuable works of art. The people were content and happy and never knew anything other than peace until Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds descended upon them one day. The Hooblerians were not well-versed in the ways of war, but they put up a fantastic resistance nonetheless, simply because they were absolutely brilliant at everything they put their mind to. They managed to wound Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds, a feat that has never been accomplished by any other beings ever, but they were unable to defeat him. He returned with greater forces and obliterated that beautiful planet. A small contingency of Hooblerians escaped and fled to another galaxy where they founded Hoobler II, our current home world, which is only marginally less fair than Hoobler I was. If vessels from his army are in this galaxy, it can only mean that Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds has arrived here. In which case this galaxy is doomed. Hoobler II shall be destroyed as well as all the other civilized planets, such as Ingleblott."

"And Earth?" Zeke asked.

"Well Earth can hardly be classified as civilized, but yes, it is surely doomed, as well."

"Is there anything we can do to stop this guy?" Zeke asked.

"Nothing that we have yet discovered and we are infinitely superior in intellect to you, so there is absolutely nothing that you could possibly think of that would work. Our best bet is to flee to another galaxy and found Hoobler III."

Captain Moogreet cleared his throat. "Did I hear you say the Earthling may be in possession of some additional knowledge about this attack?"

"Yes," Nulfar said. "It was he who told the agents of Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds about our ship."

"You complete and utter muttonhead." Captain Moogreet slapped himself in the face with his hands. "You absolute moron of unprecedented proportions. You have revealed the fact of our presence to our most horrifying enemy. He might have merely been passing through on his way to another galaxy, but now he will not rest until every last inhabited world is reduced to a pile of ashes. You have sentenced this galaxy to irrevocable doom."

"I didn't realize the stakes were quite so serious," Zeke said. "Nulfar here didn't seem to think it was such a big deal when I tried to warn him about it before we got attacked."

"Only because this enormous buffoon failed to convey the magnitude of the events which he, and he alone, set off."

"You are, of course, correct Nulfar. You are faultless in this situation. The blame lies squarely on the Earthling. If we manage to escape our attackers, let us jettison him into the empty void of deep space."