Meant to Be His❤❤❤

chapter 18

Matthew

Empty.

Hollow.

Vulnerable.

These were what I was feeling these past couple of months. When I came to realize that it was not really fair to both Fiona and Casey if I continue to be selfish and feed on my hunger for Fiona's affection while I was officially engaged to Casey. I've tried lulling myself to sleep downing a couple of beers each night though I was never used to drinking but never was successful. I hated it. The nagging pain of a headache with a hangover, the puking, I never get to understand why these college kids enjoy this stuff too much thrashing frat houses and wasting a part of their college funds for a night of enjoyment. But this was never my cup of tea. Brennan, too. And I thought that's why we clicked. We gave in to a cup or a shot after winning a game but that's it. We never go beyond. We just love to laugh our asses out watching our team mates get wasted.

I didn't know which hurt me more. Is it the cloudy mist sorrounding Casey and my relationship? We have not talked about our engagement since she went to New York. I can barely see her name on my phone either for a call or a message. And I haven't got the balls to initiate to contact her either.

Or is it the hurt I always feel whenever I see Fiona but I cannot talk to her or just go near her? I know she feels something for me the way she looks at me. And I was definitely confident it was not the same look she throws at Dylan. Lucky fucking Dylan!

My parents were on me the first two weeks. They were asking about Casey and our engagement. And warned me to not break it, or there will be consequences. Of course, they never cared about my feelings. They only cared about their reputation. I was not their perfect son, anyways. It has always been Mark.

Still, I tried my best to get hold of myself especially during practice as there were always scouts watching. I may be down physically, what with my growing stubble and black circles around my eyes due to lack of sleep. But I can still manage to be at the top of my game, and the best in our team. To date, two scouts are too keen to get my services. One is to play for national and another will take me overseas, to Europe in particular. I was just taking my time and get to decide before the year ends. But not after settling things with Casey.

I made up my mind. And I know I can't continue pretending to still go for the engagement when in fact I was battling with my feelings. I know I loved Casey but as the days went on, it became clearer and clearer, that I can definitely live without her. In fact I don't miss her. At all.

In contrast, I've been missing Fiona like hell. Not a single night has passed without her face messing with my dreams. Her eyes, her lips, and the soft sounds she made when I kissed her. The feel of her fingers through my hair, the softness of her body against mine. God! I had it real bad. But what can I do? I promised myself that I will not talk to her nor approach her, until I settled things with Casey. I want to come up to her clean and start fresh. I just hope and pray that I was not yet too late. I knew she hanging out with Dylan drives away other guys to hit on her. And I am thankful for him for that. But, fuck! If he made a move. I will not hesitate to reclaim what is mine, right after breaking his face.

*****

Practice went downhill one afternoon. The guys were already hitting the showers while I lingered near the rink talking to a couple of guys from the scouting agency. They really wanted to sign me up. I told them I was gonna tell them of my decision after final exams. I saw them both out the gym that's when I caught a glimpse of Fiona with Dylan and the two girls always with her rushing inside the gym using the other side entrance.

When I saw them getting inside the rink with skates on, that's when I realized they were going skating. I knew students were allowed as long as there were no games nor practice. But I guess someone paid the grease so that they be allowed on the rink, especially without someone from the hockey team or officials assisting them. Who else could it be, but fucking Dylan!