Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 15

"I thought you said it was a matter of hours," Zeke grumbled as he pulled himself back up to his feet. "That was more like seconds."

"Seconds. Hours. In the grand cosmic stream of time there's really no difference," Nulfar said.

"Would it make a difference in the grand cosmic stream of time if I were to throttle you now or later?" Zeke asked.

The door to Zeke's room whooshed open and Captain Moogreet strolled in. "Ah, Nulfar, there you are. I have good news for you! You are now in charge of Ingleblott native life forms as well as Earth. Congratulations!"

Nulfar clapped his hands together gleefully. "This is most exciting news, Captain! When do I start?"

"Immediately," Captain Moogreet replied. "Our ship is currently surrounded by hundreds of the local inhabitants and we do not yet know if they are friendly or if they mean to pounce upon us and devour us. Your task is to go out there and ascertain their dispositions. You may bring the Earthlings with you if you'd like."

"Wait a minute," Zeke said. "This ship is surrounded by hundreds of alien life forms that might possibly want to eat us? I think we'll sit this one out."

"Nonsense," Nulfar said as he grabbed Zeke by the elbow and began pulling him along. "This is a marvelous learning opportunity and I would be remiss in my duties as your caretaker if I did not allow you to accompany me in this task. Besides, initial reports are showing there is an eighty percent chance the atmosphere will be breathable for you."

"All right, fine," Zeke flung his hands in the air. "Let's go learn something." Sadie nodded and followed along.

Nulfar led them through several winding corridors until at last they came to a large metal door. He pressed some buttons on a panel next to it and it creaked open slowly. They stepped through and then it slammed shut behind them much more quickly than it had opened. They were now standing on the surface of an uncharted world.

It was hot and muggy and the landscape was dominated by bizarre trees that looked like a combination of palm trees and pine trees. The ground was soft and a little sticky under their feet.

They were also surrounded by hundreds of tall, gangly creatures that were covered in fine strands of green and purple hair. They had large bulbous noses to accompany their bulging eyes and fat quivering lips. They either didn't have any eyelids or didn't seem to blink. They had long pointed elf-like ears that extended well above the top of their tiny afros, which appeared to be the preferred hairstyle here.

One of the aliens approached Nulfar and smiled with a big toothy grin. "Is from the space?"

"I am from the distant planet Hoobler, which exists out among the stars!" Nulfar exclaimed.

The alien turned and looked back at the others of its species. "Is from the space."

"Yes, yes, is from the space," they all nodded at each other and murmured in agreement.

The alien turned back around and shuffled its way over to Zeke. It stuck its face a few inches away from his and he couldn't help but notice its breath smelled like a mixture of gasoline and cabbage. "And this one? Is this one also from the space?"

"We're from Earth," Zeke said as he looked over at Sadie.

"Earrrrrrrrrrrth," the alien said.

"Earrrrrrrrrrrth," the rest of the aliens chimed in behind it.

"Is Earrrrrrrrrrrth in the space?" it asked.

"Well, yeah, I guess so," Zeke said. "I never really thought about it like that. I mean the Earth's the Earth, you know? But I guess it is floating around in space."

The alien turned and looked back at the others of its species again. "Is from the space."

"Yes, yes, is from the space," the aliens all nodded.

It turned around again and shuffled its way right into Sadie's personal space. "And this one? Is also from the space?"

"No, I'm from here," she said. "Don't you recognize me? We've been neighbors for the past fifteen years! I always wave at you when you're out in the driveway getting your newspaper."

The alien looked confused. "Is from Ingleblott?"

"I'm just yanking your chain," Sadie said. "I'm also from Earth."

"Earrrrrrrrrrrth," the alien said.

"Earrrrrrrrrrrth," the rest of the aliens chimed in behind it.

"And before you ask again, yes Earth is in the space."

The alien once again turned and looked back at the others of its kind. "Is from the space."

"Yes, yes, is from the space," the aliens all nodded.

"This has been a very informative and enlightening conversation so far, hasn't it?" Zeke said. "At least they don't seem hostile. You're not hostile, are you, Mr. Alien? Or what should I call you?"

"Milosh," the alien said as it patted its chest.

"Milosh," the other aliens chimed in behind it and nodded their agreement.

"It's very nice to meet you, Milosh. I'm Zeke." He extended his hand in greeting. Milosh looked at it for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and began sucking on Zeke's finger.

Zeke quickly pulled his hand away and was perturbed to notice his finger now smelled like gasoline and cabbage.

"Well the chitchat has certainly been wonderful," Nulfar said. "But we are on a very tight schedule. Even as we speak, I see our collecting ships returning with the artifacts they've collected from your planet. We're going to need to take a living specimen with us as well. Milosh? Would you like to join us on the spaceship?"

"You want Milosh to go into the space with you?" Milosh asked. "Joyous day! Milosh has never been invited to go anywhere in Milosh's life."

"Milosh is very happy," the other aliens said as they stood behind him nodding.

"Milosh will gladly come with you into the space," Milosh said.

"That's wonderful news!" Nulfar said. "We are starting to run a little bit short on room on the ship, so Milosh, you'll be bunking with the Earthling known as Zeke."

"What?" Zeke asked. "I don't want to bunk with this weirdo." He turned to Milosh who was standing nearly chest to chest with him. "Uh, no offense."

"Why doesn't Zeke share a room with me and Milosh can have his own room?" Sadie suggested.

"Nonsense," Nulfar said. "You're already sharing your room with the giant stuffed gorilla. Besides observing Zeke and Milosh together will be a wonderful study in Earth-Ingleblott compatibility."

"He seems like a nice guy," Zeke said. "There you go, we're compatible. No need to stick us in close quarters together."

"Good it's decided!" Nulfar said. "Zeke and Milosh will hereafter be roommates. By the way, there's no room to squeeze another bed into there so you two will have to work that situation out on your own."

"Hugs for new roommate?" Milosh said as he flung his arms around Zeke. "Hugs for Milosh!"

"Hugs for Milosh!" the rest of the aliens said and nodded their heads in approval.