Reckless [Dean Winchester]

43. Selfless, Coward, Max

"You can imagine how I reacted when my...my mom was diagnosed." I swallow. "I don't think I need to explain what was found in her body. I hadn't run off at the doctor's office. I knew I had to stick it out for my mom, my dad, and my younger brother and sister. She went through treatment, and for a while things were looking up...until the cancer came back again. It just attacked, it was so vicious, and...and terminal."

I put a fist to my mouth. "We moved her to a hospital at that point. I didn't want to watch her die. So I ran. I ran and never looked back. I wasn't ready to face the reality that I'd lose my mom." I take a second to catch my breath. "I snuck around the house sometimes, just to check in. Over time, I saw the family unit deteriorate. I kept thinking, 'maybe I should go back.' 'They might need me.' But all the talk I heard, my name was never mentioned once. It was then I knew I was dead to my family, all because I couldn't face Mom's condition.

"One night, I was watching my family. That was the first time I met him. I didn't find him, he found me." I sway slightly to try and ease my nerves. "H-he'd told me his condolences, and I had no idea how in the hell he knew about my mom. He offered me a deal: I give him something, and he cures my mom and makes sure she stays cancer-free for the rest of her life. It sounded too good, so I refused and kind of made a bad impression."

I see a faint trace of pride in Dean's eyes as I tell that bit. Like he's proud. Like his eyes are saying that's my girl. But the glint in his eyes disappear, as though it was just a figment of my imagination.

"I thought that was the last I'd see of him," I say bitterly. "He continued to follow me. I'd avoid him, but he kept trying to force the bargain on me. Repeatedly, I refused. So, I adapted to the streets while my mom withered away in a hospital, and my family forgot my existence after I vanished. I knew the hospital she stayed at. Somehow, I found the courage to go see her.

"I snuck in one night, when visitors weren't allowed. I...I found her room. And I watched her sleep, for a long time. She looked so fragile, like she could go at any moment. I thought about me, about my dad, about my siblings. What our lives would be like without her. I knew I couldn't go back, my family didn't seem like it would forgive me for running off like I did.

"And then he showed up, again." I grimace. "I was a little tired at that point, and for my safety, I didn't yell at him. I still did curse him out a little though. He pressed the bargain on me one last time, ensuring that that would be the last I saw of him if I took it. I didn't do it to get Crowley off my back; I did it for my mom."

"I'm...I'm sorry to hear that," Sam says sincerely. "About your mom, I mean."

"Thanks, but she's fine now. Last I checked in, she's home and recovering with the family. I wanted to go back, but something told me I wouldn't be welcome there. So I didn't step foot in the door, I resumed my new life, being the homeless of Normal, Illinois."

"And you didn't think something was...off about Crowley?"

I shrug. "He creeped me out. He didn't show me anything that would lead me to suspect he wasn't human. He was just a pushy salesman who talked about doing the impossible. I hadn't believed him until I saw my mom home and improving."

"How do you keep something like this from us, Max?" Dean finally speaks.

"I blocked it out, locked it away in my head. Once the deal was done, he told me he'd come find me in ten years to collect payment. He never said what it was." Now I know. I shake my head. "I was street smart, but I was a total idiot." I feel the tears pooling. "The one good thing I did for my family, and they'll never know I did it. It's not really a good deed, if you think about it."