well we've really fucked this up Haven't we

oscar

I woke up, heavy headed,surrounded with the remains of my house from the party the night before. i hate to praise my self but I can pull quite the gathering.

I grabbed jake by the shoulders and shook him awake violently."wake up you fat shit" I laughed as he sprung up and slapped me.

"well shit,we have to tidy this,I can't even make my bed without losing a leg" jake half chuckled-half groaned as he kicked aside the lifeless corpses of our friends, singing as he went.

"jake,shut the fuck up" I said"you sound like Russell Crowe and a walrus had a child"

"and that's bad for having a deep voice, your voice is higher than Maya's skirt mate"jake smirked.

"oh shit" I proclaimed sarcastically"the only thing positive in your life is hiv." everything went silent other than Lucas, who from this point had been sat behind the bar, eating an egg and sausage mc muffin listening to the whole conversation mutter "oh shit dude,you're going to need a pint of vodka to wash that salt down"

"we should probably be tidying up" Lucas stated, standing up and knocking over the chair as we stood there staring at him with faces like a really pissed of mannequin.

"FUCK WE'VE GOT A LECTURE"I half screamed,and just like that the whole room scrambled up and,no matter what they were wearing, hundreds of university students clambered out the door to make it to the closest form of transport. i (unlike my other friends) take the bus to university because I can't afford a car or moped, i can barely afford my house.

I arrived at the campus and checked my watch to see how much time I had missed. then it hit me...it was Saturday.

so, naturally with my metal gear solid experience, I snook back to my apartment and sat there, awaiting the inevitable phone call from jake criticising me or my lack of knowledge on what days we have lectures.

but, oddly enough no phone call came, well not from jake at least,he was probably on a park bench looking over the hills and smoking a blunt, you know,being the artsy type.

I was sat at home,rapidly switching between wattpad and tumblr, you see that,I just grabbed the 4th wall by its testicles and pulled a deadpool.well, lets pretend that never happened or the writer might come down here and kick me in the arse or twist my nipples.

A couple of hours later I heard a knock at the door of my apartment, which I thought was weird because none of my friends knock, they just stroll in like they own the place, probably because they do.but anyway I passed it off as a Mormon or something.then I heard "oi fagstick,the fucking door is locked.let me in" should I let maya in?

I mean she'll probably hit me for locking my door without telling her.but I decided to do it anyway .so I opened the door and proclaimed...

"come right in m'lady"

And that's how this all began

part 2

jake stormed in,cradling Lucas like a baby. "WHAAAAAAYYYY" he shouted ,dropping Lucas onto the patio,dropping his food and shouting at jake.

"what the fuck did you do that for you lil bitch"proclaimed Lucas as he dusted himself off and stormed off into the kitchen to get more food,

"oh hey maya,who's this weeks boyfriend"snarled jake

"you" she said as she stood up,kissed him and walked out. wait what. is that right,"hey,writer did that just happen"wait no just a sec let me check...*the intermission from the drown music video*...yeah,that's right maya kissed jake. oh,you should probably check on maya,that's dark.