Before a Once Upon A Time

The 'Princess' and the Assassin...Er...Pea - A Single Pea

The only flaw in the plan, the chink in the golden armor of rightness and thought was that even though they had been raised the same way, the way the instructors had treated them was different-the way they laughed was different, the way they smiled was different. But Marie had her tendencies trained out of her to fit the princess’s, so it should be okay, right?

Wrong. Even though they were trained away, deep down, Marie was a different person than the princess, no matter how she may look or act on the outside. She had different thoughts and ideas and questions, different likes and dislikes. She was a different person. And never once, not once did they question the fact that maybe, maybe, she might be a girl with feelings and emotions too. That she might want to be swept away, like any other girl, that she might want to enjoy life with someone else, that she might want to…well, fall in love, like any other girl.

A minor flaw in a brilliant plan when you think about it. Unfortunately, it is more often our minor flaws that cause defeat then our major ones. As is the case here.

Now, I said I would get back to her not waiting for the carriage and I have. I mentioned that these people are from a warrior country, right? Well, Marie gets a little fed up with the careful treatment of a princess that’s trained to kill people with her little toe. So she decided to show a little spirit that is much closer to the spirit of an actual warrior, gets her act together and storms the castle. Well, sort of storms the castle. She walks at it angrily, in her big poofy dress that she hates. At night. Well, technically she left the town late in the day and it just was night by the time she arrived. In the rain. Well, it’s not like she wasn’t used to mud. Just because she was wearing pretty little flats instead of the combat-boot-like shoes she normally wore didn’t mean anything. Well, not much of anything. It was a little more uncomfortable but she loved her princess and would do it for her. Even if she had sneaked out of the ambassador’s sight so she could sneak out of the village to make this valiant assault on the castle. Well, sort of valiant. Okay, if we’re honest, she was bored and tired of being a princess already so she snuck off. But we have to at least try to be nice about it. Right?

Okay then. Never mind. No politeness for you. Nope. You said that we shouldn’t be nice so I’ll be brutally honest. She decided to be a spoiled little brat and wandered off to get away from the adult who was watching her. (To be fair, it’s also partly his fault she got away. I mean, he was watching her as his sole job on the expedition and she still got away? Suspicious.)

And then, she ‘wandered’ right into the view of the very people who she should not have been seen by in such a wretched state, the royals. And yes, when I say this I do mean wretched. Dress torn, hair and clothes drenched, covered in mud (she slipped at one point. Those pesky shoes), and vibrating with anger and pessimism in such a strong way that I swear, on her way there, several birds that flew overhead dropped dead from the sheer evilness. (And no, not her smell. I heard that, Mr. Immature. Yeah, I know exactly where you are. Third row, Five seats over. I’m going to keep my eye on you.)

*When I say ‘wandered’, think angry waddle directly towards them

She pounded on the door angrily, throwing all her rage at her current situation into it. Good thing too, otherwise no one would have heard her. It was a very thick door, meant to keep out invaders, and the pouring rain wasn’t helping anyone hear anything. Anyway, from inside the castle it sounded like a dainty knock befitting of a princess. So, confused, the royal family went to answer the door. No one should knock at the gate-that was what a gatehouse was for (The rain had been so thick that the guards actually hadn’t noticed the girl when she passed by, since she looked the same color as the rest of the night.). When they reached the door and flung it open, the girl standing in the doorway was shaking like a leaf, cold and pale and soaked. Of course, the reason she was shaking was very unprincess-like since in nature (being anger at the universe or something close to that) but that is another story entirely, and one they did not know and we will ignore for that very reason.

So of course, the royal family immediately feels sympathy for this girl and decides to help her. However, the queen notices the girl’s beauty and remembers it from some trip to some country, though she can’t remember which one, and she knows that the girl is a princess. So she decides to test the poor girl. She lets her have a warm hot bath and while Marie bathed she created a bed of 99 of the softest mattresses the palace had (Why the palace had 99 soft mattresses, I don’t know, but trust me, it gets worse in a minute) and put a single uncooked pea a the bottom- even if a princess failed every other test and passed this one, the queen would consider them, however, if they passed every other test and failed this one, they would not be. And this was the reason no princess up until now had passed. And a very good reason indeed. Really, what kind of crazy expectations did this queen have? 99 soft mattresses and then a single uncooked pea? Who could do that? It’s crazy! Certainly not anyone human. But, I’ll tell you where the confusion of Marie’s ability to do so comes from.

When Marie finishes her bath, the queen takes her to her room. Looking at the giant stack of mattresses, she has a very bad feeling-if ever these people wanted to catch Laurel unaware, when she was asleep would be the best time. And Laurel would check under a mattress, sure, maybe even a few. But 99? Something was suspicious here. So when the queen left she proceeded to check under every mattress- starting from the top. I mean, imagine picking up the weight of 99 mattresses. Not going to happen. So she starts at the top and works her way down, mattress by mattress until she reaches the very bottom.

A pea? A singe, uncooked pea. Oh no. A pea. What a terrible danger to the kingdom. A pea. Marie sighed, pocketed the pea, restacked the mattresses and climbed all the way to the top to be rewarded with- 2 hours of sleep. Now, as she was from a warrior country, 2 hours of sleep isn’t exactly comfortable but it won’t kill you either. She gets up a little grumbly inside but cheery and bright on the outside. At breakfast, she notices something different about the royal family-they’ve gained a member.

Well, she supposed they hadn’t gained a member overnight but apparently he had not been up that night with the family, because she had not seen him before. He seemed a bit younger than the one she assumed was the crown prince. So. A younger brother. No one had mentioned a younger brother. A disguised assassin? Maybe. But she doubted it with how fluid and laughing the family was with him. (I feel bad for young James. For that is his name, not that anybody ever bothers to learn it. Everyone conveniently forgets about him when they tell this story and I think that is both unfair and very sad, don’t you? So I’m remembering to include him because he deserves it. Not that I have much choice, considering what happens, but…still. He deserves a turn, right? It’s not fair to constantly ignore him just because he’s younger. That’s discrimination, which we all know, boys and girls is bad. Baaaad. I know. I just sounded like a goat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut your mouths. Back to the story.)