"Don't say anything. Just listen to me talk, arasso?" Jimin looked at me.
"Ne," I nodded my head.
"Remember how we met? We met last year. You liked me first, I still remember. And, you confessed. You just texted me one day saying you know it sounds crazy but you like me. Remember what I told you? I told you I wasn't interested in getting into a relationship at that time. And you know why? Because I liked someone else back then. I tried so long and so hard for her. But, in the end, I still didn't get her. I thought of giving you a chance. Try loving you, etc. But you didnt text me anymore. So I left things as it was. And this year, we came into the same class. I was surprised to see you in this class because I thought your results were so much better than mine. I fell for one of your close friends then. Sorry I kind of stole her from you during camp. And if I was mean to you back then, mianhae. She was like an angel, during camp. She was there for me, she never neglected me. But when we came back to school, things started changing. I confessed to her but she rejected me. It's alright if she rejected me. I just didn't want my feelings to be played with. And well, she did play with my feelings. So I decided to give up. Then I fell for another girl, from another class. She was smarter than I was. I started attending church with her because well, I thought that was one of the way I could get close to her. But she would give me cold replies at times. It was hard. And so happen, someone else from our class likes her too. And he used to sit next to you in class. I'm sure he told you, right? Then I got over her. That was when I kind of had a fling with this girl from our class. Yeah, another of your close friends... Mian... But then we stopped and I fell for someone else instead. She was also one of your close friends. And at that point of time, I already knew you like me. So I told her not to tell you, because I didn't want you to get hurt. Things didn't go well with her either. I'm sure you know who. And that was when I was depressed. You came to talk to me. I remember how you asked. You asked if I was okay. That was when I opened up to you. I told you stuff about me. That was when I realised you were there for me, even when no one was. You always were there for me, silently watching over me from one corner. Always. I guess that was when I started falling for you. And now, we're together. Keunde... Keunde... Seo Jin ah, I think we should stop here. Before our feelings grow deeper, before our feelings become more real. This break... Yeah, it was a short one. But I did think about some stuff during this short period of time. Maybe you deserve someone else better. Someone who isn't a player like I am... Someone who will love you more than I do... Someone who won't hurt you... Seo Jin ah, let's stop here..." Jimin said.
"Yah... Yah Ji... Jimin ah... I had this dream last night... That you... That you left with... With just a text..." I said while holding back tears.
"What did I say in the text?" He asked, looking over at me.
"You... You said we should break up before our feelings grow deeper..." I pulled my hand away from his.
"Jincha...? Maybe that's fate," Jimin said, turning to look around the park.
"So... So this date... Is for you to do this...?" I asked, my voice cracking.
From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jimin nodded his head slowly.
"Jimin ah, look at me," I said.
He turned and looked at me. I looked right into his eyes. I was trying to search for something. But what was I even searching for, I don't know... I was probably hoping he will see the tears in my eyes and tell me that he was just joking. I looked at his eyes. His eyes were beautifully shaped. He didn't have perfect, equal shaped eyes because one was a little bigger than the other. But it was still beautiful to me. I looked down at his nose. His nose was so cute. My eyed moved down to his lips. His lips were always soft. I recalled our first kiss. How fast it was, how sudden it was, how nervous we both were. I looked at his cheeks. He often called himself a pig just because he thinks that his cheeks are fat. But to me, I find it beautiful. I looked up at his hair. He often told me to do his hair for him because he says it's messy. It never is messy. But even if it is, he still looked good. I looked at his ears. I remember how I would play with his ear lobes whenever I feel like it. I looked down at his hands, which were on his lap. The only two hands that could make me feel safe and secure. The only two hands that I ever allow to touch me. The only two hands that will hold me up when I'm on the ground. The only two hands that will catch me whenever I fall. The only two hands that will wipe away my tears. The only two hands that I loved, and love. I looked at his finger nails. He always forgets to cut his nails, so it is always long. He always needed reminders to cut it. And at that moment, I realised I memorised almost everything about him without even knowing. And that probably happened because I was so in love with him...
"Gwaenchana?" Jimin asked.
I couldn't speak. The lump in my throat, the tears in my eyes, the memories that were running in my mind... I thought I was going to die.
"Mianhae, Seo Jin ah..." Jimin apologised.
"Jimin ah..." I said his name, my voice cracking.
"Ne?" He replied, looking at me.
"It's just the timing right...? Right person, but wrong timing..." I asked.
My hands started trembling. This only happens when I'm holding back tears really badly.
"I'm not leaving because I lost feelings, Seo Jin ah... I'm leaving because I feel we should focus on our studies first..." Jimin said.
"It's because we have a major exam next year right...? That's why you're doing this..." I asked.
"Ne, it's just for us to focus better on our studies. We need to do well. This is the only way we can attend college. A good college," Jimin said.
"Can... Can you wait for me...?" I asked, looking up into his eyes.
"I will," He answered.
"Yak... Yaksokhae...?" I asked.
"I promise if you promise," Jimin said.
"You know I will wait..." I said, feeling slightly relieved.
"It's our promise, okay?" He smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug.
My heart thumped fast again. It always does. My heart always thumped fast for him.
"In the mean time, let Jungkook take care of you. I told him already," Jimin said, pulling away.
I nodded my head.
"Kaja, let's send you home," Jimin said and stood up.
We slowly walked home. I deliberately walked slower because I wanted more time with him. But, it seemed like we got to my place faster than usual...
"Gomawo, Seo Jin ah. Thank you for everything, thank you for making me so happy," Jimin smiled and said.
I saw pain behind his smile. I fought back tears again. I smiled at him and said, "Jimin ah, thank you." With that, I walked into my house and closed the door. I watched Jimin walk away from the window before slowly making my way upstairs. Just when I closed the door to my room, my phone rang.
"Ne, Jungkook ah?" I answered the call after seeing the caller ID.
"Gwaenchana?" He asked.
"Ne, nan gwaenchanayo. I just need some time alone," I said.
"Arasso... But I'm here if you need me, arasso?" Jungkook said.
"Mmm, gomawo, Kookie. Call you later," I said and hung up the phone first.
I put my bag down and lied down on the bed. What's this feeling...? I was feeling kind of empty... I don't even know how to describe this feeling... The memories of Jimin and I kept coming back to me. And then, I cried for the first time after I lost him. I cried till my body felt numb. My eyes were slowly getting tired. And then everything was pitch black.
Chapter 2
Start from the beginning
