the roommate ➸ [horan au]

twenty one

T W E N T Y    O N E

- A b b y    J o n e s -

I couldn't believe what I had just said. I just wanted to make sense of something. I felt like my whole life was filled with lies, and I just needed to blurt out another one.

Niall stared at me wide-eyed. He looked completely flabbergasted.

The girl on the other line was the first one to speak up. "Oh," She said. "I see."

I gulped. I didn't know what to say next. I decided to end the conversation. "Yeah, so that's pretty much all I wanted to say." I said.

"Okay, thank you. It was, uh, very nice meeting you the other day."

"Yeah, you too."

Awkward silence.

"Well, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and looked at Niall. The shocked expression hadn't left his face, and I was a little worried that he was gonna catch a fly if he didn't close his mouth.

"So there you go," I handed him his phone back. "I got you your girlfriend back."

I stood up and hurried towards my room, trying to get away from him as fast as possible. However, my plan was foiled when I heard rushed steps behind me and I knew that he was following me. Once I made it to my room, I tried closing the door, but he stopped it with his foot. I decided to leave it alone and I sat on my bed, completely ignoring him as he sat down next to me.

"Abs—"

"Niall don't—"

"Why did you do that?" He cut me off, grabbing my hands and pulling me to look at him. I couldn't. I couldn't look at him in the face. If I did, I knew I would break. "I told you that I had feelings for you and you rejected me, so why are you mad at me?"

"What are you talking about?" I stood up angrily. "I never rejected you!"

"You never said anything either! You just left me out there!" He responded.

And there it was; I knew it was coming. All of the things that I've always wanted to say but never said, all of my feelings spilling out into the open. The word vomit was coming, and it was coming fast.

"Well, I love you, alright?" I yelled. I really didn't know why I was yelling. I also didn't know why I was crying. "I've loved you for the longest time—fuck—probably since the first time I've met you! I've always loved you and that's why I wanted to move in with you, and Harry knew it too and he was being stupid and suggested that we should fake date to get you jealous, but then you started bringing girls here every single freaking night and shagging them right in front of me and—" I stopped to take a breath. "And then somehow you get a girlfriend, and you indirectly tell me you love me, but you have a girlfriend. And what am I supposed to take out of that?" I exhaled. "You love me but you have a girlfriend."

That was it. My heart was out in the open. I felt so exposed to him—I felt naked.

I was well aware that I had tears streaming down my face, but at the same time I was so relieved, because I didn't have this deep secret buried inside me and he finally knew the truth. I was finally done with all of the lies.