Just The Benefits (PUBLISHED)

Kabanata 62

Napa-kurap ako. Parang biglang tumigil iyong pag-ikot ng mundo.

What?

Tama ba iyong narinig ko?

"Ano pong sabi niyo?"

She looked at me weirdly. Na para bang ako pa ang weirdo sa aming dalawa! Na para bang ako pa ang nagsabi ng salitang buntis!

"That you're pregnant?" she said, looking clueless. "I thought you knew?"

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Nanlaki ang mata ko. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Biglang gusto kong tanggalin lahat ng nakakunekta sa katawan ko at tumakbo palabas ng ospital na 'to.

Buntis?! Ako?!

"Mukha bang alam ko?!"

Hindi ko napigilan na pagtaasan siya ng boses dahil sa nalaman ko. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea! Gods! I can't be pregnant! My life's a big pool of mess! Hindi ko kaya!

I can't be a mom!

"Calm down, Miss Harrison. Makakasama 'yan sa baby," she said with a calm voice.

"Please stop saying baby!" I shouted.

I was about to give her another round of shouting when the door swung open. Pumasok doon si Marga at nakakunot ang noo niya. Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Oh, my gods. Narinig ba niya?! Alam ba niya?!

"Anyareh? Parang nakarinig ako ng sigawan o hallucination ko lang ba iyon?" she said. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga nung nasigurado ko na wala siyang narinig.

The doctor looked at me and I was quick to lie.

"Ah sabi niya kailangan ko lang daw magvitamins," I lied. I looked at the doctor and silently plead for her to ride on my lie. Hindi ko kaya na malaman ni Marga. Hindi ko kaya na marinig kung ano ang sasabihin niya kapag nalaman niya.

I can't have anyone know about this. I can't even wrap my head around the idea!

Marga nodded. "Okay. Tawagan ko lang ulit si Shi. Kanina pa nababaliw dahil traffic daw," she said and skipped her way out. Para akong aatakihin sa puso dahil sa mga nangyari. Paano kung narinig niya pala? Paano kung nalaman niya? Ano ang gagawin ko?

I was still in deep thought nung biglang nagsalita iyon doctor.

"You can't keep this forever, Miss Harrison," she said.

"Alam ko."

I didn't want to be rude but it kinda felt like my life was a big joke right now. Wala bang pahinga? Kung kailan nagsisimula na akong maging masaya, at saka may dadating na naman na ganitong balita!

This is why I was so fucking scared when I'm happy... because I know one way or another, life will screw me over. And I wasn't wrong. I'm being so screwed right now. Pakiramdam ko ay tuwang-tuwa ang langit dahil nagugulo na naman ang buhay ko.

"But..." I trailed off. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong hindi ko napansin na buntis ako. Was I that stupid? Or was I seeing things but blatantly denying them?

"Miss Harrison, it's alright. You're a little over 4 weeks pregnant but we still couldn't be sure hanggang hindi ka pa nagpapa-check up sa OB. If your problem is that you didn't notice the signs, normal lang naman iyon. Hindi naman lahat ng babaeng buntis ay nakakaranas ng common pregnancy symptoms."

It felt like she was talking but I wasn't getting anythings. Parang dumadaan lang sa tenga ko lahat ng naririnig ko mula sa kanya.

Biglang naalala ko iyong mga nangyari nung nakaraang mga linggo.