The Blindfold » l.t au

thirty seven

Her eyes softened. "I'm sorry. I won't mention her again. Your dinner is in the oven, okay? I made you something you'd definitely love."

I kissed her forehead and watched as she went back to her room. Silence followed, and the memories begun.

***

The next day passed by just the same. Work, work and more work. I worked hard until midnight, and when I left I both wanted and dreaded any chance of running into Lola. Fuck, even thinking of her name made me short-tempered. I drove fast, quite recklessly actually, and was home in under fifteen minutes. I saw no sight of her car and breathed in what could only be relief. 

On our floor when I went to pass her flat, something stopped me. I didn't know why, but a surge of anger rushed through my veins. I was mad at myself for still loving her and wanting her so badly. I was mad at her for doing this to me. And I was most certainly mad for being the weak one here. She seemed pained, yes, but I doubted she felt a fraction of my pain. 

I paced in front of her flat, irritated, half-wanting her to come and half-wishing she wouldn't. I hoped I could go back to my flat without her coming. But I couldn't stop the inevitable could I? I heard the sound of clicking heels and was surprised she took the stairs. She halted, sucking in a deep breath. I hadn't turned around yet, but when I did, I felt the first pang of sorrow hit me hard. She looked miserable. 

The pang of sorrow was replaced yet again with anger. She did this to herself. And to me. 

Her eyes twinkled with suppressed tears, and I knew I'd lose it if she cried. She had no right to fucking cry at all, but the sight would gut my heart nevertheless. When suddenly her eyes hardened, I knew she'd just about flee. She walked hastily in an attempt to unlock the door, but I caught her arm, my body jerking with the first surge of awareness. Her smell hit me and I gritted my teeth. The pull was still there and it shouldn't be. 

"Oh not so fast," I growled. "You owe me a conclusion and I'll get it out of you if it's the last thing I do." 

I hadn't expected her voice to come out broken. "Please let me go," she whispered. "I don't have anything to say." 

"Surely after five months you have something to say," I kept hold of her arm when she tried to break free, but I was mindful not to hurt her. "I'm not moving until we talk, Lola." 

She gasped, perhaps in reaction to hearing her name. She dug her nails in my hand and broke free, unlocking her door quickly while I processed the pain. She wasn't so lucky, because I stopped the door from being shut. She suddenly let it go and I nearly fell, following her inside, about to talk when I heard a sob. Then another. She dropped her bag and covered her face, giving me her back rather than showing her tears. I froze, speechless. Her cries were painful, and they cut right through me. I hated what she did to me and I loved her. Her pain was my pain. 

"What is it you want me to say?" She managed between sobs. "That I'm an idiot? A bitch? I didn't know why I left, I still don't know why. I panicked. I know I shouldn't have left but it's done now. I left and you have the right to be mad at me. But...leave me alone, just fucking let me suffer. I want to be left alone and you owe me that much!" Her voice rose so hard at the end, it echoed for several seconds in the empty flat.

Different emotions coursed through me, and I stared at the girl I love, at the girl who broke my heart. 

It was an effort to keep from speaking shakily. "So that's where it ends? Seriously, Lola? That's fucking ridiculous! You owe me a lot of things. You owe me an explanation, an apology, and a confession that everything wasn't a lie!"

"It wasn't," she sobbed some more and seemed angry with herself. "But what does it change now? It's been five months and we're both wary and surely in no way going to fix this. I ruined it, I know I did, but I can't just dive back into it. Even if you forgive me, I won't go through when you could simply rub this mistake in my face." 

"You think I'd do that? How highly you think of me," I replied sarcastically. "But you know what? Maybe I understand what you say, but don't you care for one, bloody second about my opinion? All this time I've been careful with you, with your heart. From the moment I first felt something for you I knew you'd wreck me and yet I fought all warnings and stayed with you." 

I turned around to leave, but I had one thing to say. "I was right about one thing. You're different from Angela, because as lethal as she was, she hadn't made me hate being in love as much as you did." 

I slammed the door behind me and ignored the wails coming from inside of her flat. There was a freezing numbness inside me, and I no longer felt pain from this moment. My brain was set on moving on, and I fell asleep without one single thought that night. 

***

As the days passed, I saw less and less of Lola. Two weeks passed after that night and something inside nagged at me. I tried to convince myself that she stayed in her flat, but every time I passed, it was creepily quiet. It was quite a sensation I didn't like, but I never once tried to find out if she was in her flat or not. 

But one day when I came back early, her car was there, but as I passed the flat I could not hear one single noise. My heart beat painfully in my chest, and the worst scenarios played in my head. I couldn't stop the horrible images of what might be waiting for me inside. I sure as hell hoped the flat was empty and that she stayed with her friend, George. She probably left her car. He picked her up. 

I couldn't think clearly, and my hand shook badly. I took my keys out, and searched for the key to her flat. I hadn't gotten rid of it and I was glad for it. I knocked on the door, and when I stood for long time with no answer, I opened it myself.

The flat was barely lit and nothing was on. No TV, no radio...nothing. I checked for any signs of her leaving the place, but her phone was on the kitchen counter, a bra was thrown on the couch. Her smell lingered in the place. 

Then where was she? 

I checked the bathroom, then her room. I could barely make out my surroundings. The room was so dark. I was about to turn the lights on, but a soft breath stopped me. I squinted to get a better look, and was literally shredded to see her on the bed. I could see, even in the dark, the way her body trembled. I turned the light on her bedside table and knelt next to her bed. 

She looked horrible. Really. Her hair was a mess and her face was full of tears, eyes puffy and closed, lips dry and so fucking pale I wondered if there was any blood there. Her hands were holding something--my white shirt. I couldn't tell if she was asleep, even with her eyes closed. I noticed the frown on her face and felt sad that she wasn't resting deeply. 

I know I shouldn't have, but I touched her face, wiped those tears from her cheeks and my stomach tightened when she whimpered. If she woke up now, I don't think I'd move yet. I missed her and I was still very mad at her. And seeing her like this tore me. 

When I touched her forehead, it was clammy and scorching, and it explained why she was trembling that way. She was sick, badly so. 

.. 

Oh man I have to admit I got teary writing the second part of this chapter. Louis is such a sweetheart ugh 

We're 3 chapters away from the end and next chapter is also in Louis's POV. I'll update Selene right now (find it in my profile) so please add it in your library if you want to read Liam's story soon ;)