eighteen » l.h

48.

reminders:

- you guys have so much beauty within yourselves, don't let anyone else or your own mind tell you otherwise.

- don't let yourself get trampled over ! I promise you that if you stand up for not only yourself but others as well, the outcome will the best. The feeling you'll get will be the best.

- "Mirrors are just glass and you are more than that."

- HOW DID WE END UP HERE WILL FUCK YOU THE FUCK UP LIKE I JUST GOT DONE WATCHING IT AND OH FUCK

I CRIED THROUGH MOST OF IT

- DON'T LISTEN TO THEIR DEBUT ALBUM AND THEN SGFG AFTER WATCHING THE MOVIE, I DID IT AND IT WAS THE MOST GRUESOME EXPERIENCE YET

I walked along the concrete pavement, the cool morning breeze nipping at my skin through my pants. My fingers were tangled together as they were placed inside of the pocket this hoodie had.

I felt sort of... happy? Not entirely, of course but the fact that Calum and I will remain in each other's lives makes me feel better than before.

I prefer to be his friend than be his girlfriend and lie - possibly even cheat on him - than anything else.

Now, despite of his attempt of implying that he's okay, I know he's not. I am aware of how he feels, I am aware that the void I left may or may not feel hollow on some days, I am aware that he might even be scared to fall in love again. I am fully aware.

If there was anything I could do to make him better, I would do it. But I can't.

I was the one who created a massive destruction to his beautiful city and then made all the perfectly built buildings crumble to the ground. I was the one who took control of his little heaven and brought hell upon it. I was the one who broke him, hurt him, destroyed him.

And fuck, do I regret doing it.

And fuck, now I realize that these regrets are my punishment.

And hopefully, he will find someone better who might rebuild his beautiful little city or make his heaven return back to the way it was, or fix him and keep him intact.

I want nothing but the best for him and unfortunately, I am not the best. I am the worst.

"Estelle, hurry the fuck up." He hissed at me as I started to walk up the front porch steps.
To annoy him, I took my sweet time walking into the house but that only resulted in him gripping my forearm and pulling me inside of the house.