Brick by Brick

Part Twenty One

"It's all going to be a bit much for you now thought isn't it, you'll move in to the cottage, then there's Christmas, then my holiday."

Sammy got up and started to boil the kettle, continuing the conversation through the door to the lounge, "I have told you'll I'll run the salon for you and I will. Let me deal with the small print, ok?"

"But if Monica isn't on side..."

Sammy came back into the room, "Eleanor can go into day-care if need be. I will sort things out. You have to jet off to Asia with the man who worships you. Just promise me that you won't have a secret wedding out there. You promised me I'd be your bridesmaid."

It was her friend's turn to blush profusely, "don't be ridiculous!"

But Sammy only smiled, "what's ridiculous? You have a man who can't take his eyes off you, and I have to say, compared to any previous boyfriend you have frequented..."

Corinne almost spat her tea across the room, "FREQUENTED? You make me sound like some tart!"

They both laughed as Sammy winked, "if the cap fits! As I was saying, compared to the roadie for that third rate indie band, or the potter from Bristol, or Vangelis..."

She gasped, "who the fuck calls their son that?"

Sammy laughed, "who the fuck dates someone called it? Anyway, Mike is brilliant for you, and that's without the history I've just glanced over. I love seeing you happy. There's nothing better."

As she exhaled Corinne squeezed her hand again, "I'm gutted for you, still."

Sammy smiled, "I had it once, I have to make that last me a life time."

Despite her staying up late, Monica didn't show up, hours later after Corinne had left, she hated not resolving things with her mother, but she had to sleep, Eleanor would be up at the crack of dawn. Instead she lay awake for hours, over thinking everything. Sammy was angry, it wasn't fair of her mother to do this to her. She wasn't about to give into emotional blackmail, she could live with being blanked; hell it wouldn't be the first time. That was her lasting thought as she finally went to sleep, was her list of chores for the following day, contacting her storage facility on London, arranging movers for the provisional date that Clifford was aiming for. She had to move one, and in reality she could ignore anything, she had to do that on so many levels in the past.

But now she had Eleanor to think about, and despite her mother being an emotionless cow to them both, Eleanor's face lit up when Monica walked in the room, for some reason she worshipped her grandmother and she ran to her like she did with no one else.

"Have I done something specific to piss you off?"

Monica was drinking a cup of tea engrossed in a tabloid paper at breakfast time the following morning when Sammy emerged for her bedroom, miraculously Eleanor was still asleep and she had a moment to deal with her mother. Her mother forced her eyes back to the newspaper quite obviously the second she walked into the room.

Sammy got a mug of coffee then sat opposite her, "is it me moving? Is that what this is about? I can't stay here forever, you know that. This was only ever temporary."

Monica grunted, the sum total of her rather juvenile response.

"Come on, you told me just a few weeks ago that we had to move on. So don't do this, don't spoil the little bit that we have."

She huffed at that, "that's about right, just move on and make me the bad man...again!"

Sammy shook her head, incredulously, "Monica, come on. This is about me getting out of your hair. Are you saying that you want us here forever? You spent the first sixteen years of my life not wanting me living with you, what's changed now?"

When Monica looked up she had tears in her eyes, it was the first time that Sammy had ever seen her mother look emotional, she'd not even shed a tear at her own mother's funeral. But something WAS eating her this time.

Sammy softened her voice, "we've always got on best when we've had some distance."

"The last six months I have tried my best, but that's not good enough? You keep remembering the bad times, don't you?"

The hurt was there, so easy to see, but Sammy couldn't let that alter things, her mother was right, they WERE getting on lately, but they couldn't keep walking on egg shells, not long term.

She sighed, "I will forever be grateful to you for taking us in the last six months, and they have been the best six months we've shared as mother/daughter. But nothing can change that you hated me being around until recently. We need distance."

Monica scoffed, "I've never hated anything about you, but no matter what I say you won't change your views. You don't think of me as a mother."

Sammy laughed, "have you ever given me reason to? So you've half stepped up as a grandmother - as long as we don't tell your friends and lovers that you're a grandmother. I LOVE that you do right by Eleanor; she's more important than me...and the past. But you've never been a mother to me. We have, however, become friends the last few months, more than we ever have, I know more about you now that I ever have. But if you want that to continue, then I need my own space, as do you."

"And those rich snobby bastards will buy you a home. Awesome, hey?"

She was jealous, of the Turner's how ironic. She shook her head, "if I never see any of Marcus' family again it'll be too soon, this isn't about me choosing them. Is that what you think?"

She shrugged silently.

"They've had their family ripped to shreds. They are all a mess, the Turner family..." she rolled her eyes. "I don't want to see them ever again, not after all that happened. But Clifford is right; they owe Eleanor what she's deserved. I am not about to be engulfed by them, it's not going to suddenly be ok. I'm not going to change."

"I enjoy having Eleanor here..."

It was the first time her mother had shown ANY devotion to her granddaughter. But it was a drop in the ocean. "Just last week she woke you on Sunday morning and you were furious. You barely tolerate her."

"Bullshit, you don't trust me with her, you don't let me take care of her, so I don't let you see how we get on. She loves me."

Sammy nodded, "I KNOW she does! But why would I trust you with her, you couldn't look after ME, your own daughter, why would I believe you'll look after her?"

She shrugged, "it's no use is it. Look, I just don't want you to move away."

She placed a hand over her mother's, touched at her honesty, her openness, "I'm going as far as the edge of the village. That's closer than the local shop. You can visit every day."

"Ha, like you care that much. You'd lock the door."

"Despite everything you've done to me I want you to be part of Eleanor's life, I want you to be part of my life...for what that's worth. You will ALWAYS be welcome there. This isn't about you or us, but...you can't take this out on me, make this about me being horrible or vindictive. I'm doing what you always encouraged me to do. I'm being independent and giving you some space."

"Maybe I just need..." instead of finishing the comment she hung her head, and as Sammy was about to launch at her about the unfairness of her guilt trip, she gave it a little shake, "I don't want to be alone..." She looked up at her daughter and there were tears in her eyes, "I don't know what to do...there's a lump...in my breast."

Sammy felt the room start to spin as she tried to envisage exactly what that meant.