More to life

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*Timeskip to funeral*

Dans POV

I gripped Phil's hand as I looked down at my fathers lifeless skin. Why me? phil squeezed my hand and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. it wasn't my fault, was it? I've been having a lot of those thoughts lately. Should I be listening to Phil? I really don't know anymore.
He was yelling at me. Me. I caused this. No. I need to stop thinking this way.
"Dan." Phil handed me a flower to place onto my father. More tears. They started coming faster. I was full on sobbing now. I grabbed the bright red rose from Phil's hand and hastily placed it over my dads chest.
I felt Phil place his hand onto my shoulder, trying to comfort my sadness. But he wasn't the problem. He didn't need to. It felt nice though, To have someone who cared. It shouldn't have been my father.
It should have been me.
I walked away to look over at the rainy view. We were standing at the top of a flowery hill where my dad loved to go. Why does it always rain during funerals? Are they looking to reflect our mood?
I miss him.
I really, really do.
And now he's gone. But I have Phil. My lovely peppy adorable Phil. I look up at him with red eyes. He bites his chapped lips and furrows his muscular brow. (sorry) I love him.
"I love you" Phil's lips twitch up slightly. "I love you more."
"I love you most!" I demanded back, childishly. I tapped his nose and pouted out my lip. The distraction from the pain I felt was temporary but I appreciated it greatly.
"Nuh-Uh!" he protested. "Fine, I love you mosterest" He wrapped his arms around me and placed his lips to my forehead. "It's going to be okay. Okay?" The smell of raspberries filled my nose and I sighed in content. Though I was feeling rather sulky that day, I realized at that moment that I could bring more meaning to life.
I could try.
I looked at Phil again. His blue eyes fixated on something in the distance. God he was beautiful. I reached my hand up slowly to cup his face. His attention shifted towards me and I could now see the tears building in his eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispered, moving closer to my face. "I know that this is my fault and I just-" I interrupted him before he could finish. "Stop. I love you. And none of this is your fault. if anyone should be held guilty its me." My index finger held his lips closed and I looked him in the eyes, sternly.
"I love you too. And don't blame yourself either." Phil's eyes darted around and finally settled on mine. "It's okay."
"I know."
And with that we left the funeral. When we got back to the flat I opened the cabinets and felt the urge to make something. "Phiiiil!?" I called from the kitchen. He stumbled in with a worried expression. "Yeah?"
"What do you want for dinner?" He relaxed and replied, "we can order something if you'd prefer." He smiled genuinely and his eyes sparkled with concern.
"I want to make something, Phil. I want to do more with my life." I grabbed out the only cook book we had and skimmed through recipes. The only thing we could make with the ingredients we had was spaghetti so I decided to go with that, seeing that I didn't feel up to par with leaving the house again.
"Do you want me to help?" Phil walked over to where I was standing and offered a hand. As adorable he was, he was a clutz in the kitchen and everyone knew it. "No! Let me surprise you!" My voice coming out much more pleading than I had intended.
"Okay, okay!" Phil's hands flew up in fake offense as he walked out of the kitchen. He then peeked his head in once more to tell me that he was setting up the living room for dinner as a fair trade for not helping. I merely shrugged, only half hearing what he said and wanting to get on with making dinner.
I was about halfway through when I heard a loud crash come from outside the kitchen. "Phil!" I yelled out.
As I ran out to the living room and pulled off my apron and prepared for the possible outcomes. What I wasn't expecting was to walk into the room and see heart-shaped decorations hung around the room. Or for the table to have been placed into the middle of the floor with a white sheet draped over it. Or for there to be candles everywhere that smelled of vanilla. "Phil?"
Phil stood in the corner of the room sweeping up a glass vase that he had dropped while trying to put in what appeared to be leftover funeral roses. How romantic. Nevertheless I appreciated the sentiment and thoughtfulness.
"Oh uh... Dan I uh..." Phil scratched his head nervously and his eyes darted around the room. "It's beautiful!" I choked out. He blushed sheepishly and muttered, "It was nothing really."
"No Phil. It was definitely something." I stared in awe for a few moments before rushing over I him. I tossed my arms around him and pulled him in close. "I love it. Thank you."
Phil's arms ran up my back to embrace me fully.
"How dinner coming along?"
I smiled into our hug and replied that all was good before leaving to finish dinner.
As soon as I was done, I came out and served us. It came out pretty good considering I wasn't much of a food expert. Phil enjoyed it a lot but I feel as though he may have been playing along for my sake. He looked do handsome.
As he ate his spaghetti, some sauce got onto his chin. I wiped it away before he could and he blushed crimson. I lived when that happened. I loved him so much.
I want to be like this forever.
"Phil, will you marry me?"

Heyyy sorry I haven't updated in a LOOONGG WHILE. Thanks if you still read this story. Thanks if you're new! And also sorry about a couple of references. 2016 Phan has just been particularly Phan. Hope you liked it! Hehe. Bai...

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