Project Fat Suit

Four: He Has a Name?

I hurriedly put on my fat suit, discarded the pillows and tennis balls in the corner, and headed towards the door, but back peddled to get a look at what the discussion of me has headed to.

She’s a lesbian. She totally put the moves on me today.

OMG! Rlly? i new it was her who was outside my house at 1 am ystrdy. Total creep.

She lesbo? Maybe that’s why she keeps harassing that one guy- to keep other people from knowing.

Oh, the joys of reading other people’s false assumptions. My eyes wandered to the corner and I saw perhaps one of the most hilarious pictures that I’ve ever seen. It was a picture of Jabba the Hut, but with my face inside of his. I could tell it was hand drawn because it was done in pink sharpie. Next to it someone had written “What Serena produces when she poops”.

I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling as I entered the halls.

Well, at least I had talented haters.

:::x:::O:::x:::

When I tried to drop off Cashier Guy’s homework today at lunch, I realized that he was sitting next to a girl. I think she was captain of the math squad or something.

Asshole saw me coming and frantically shook his head and discreetly gestured to the girl next to him, mouthing the word ‘girlfriend’. Well, either that or he was trying to say ‘Earl’s dead’, which was technically true considering the show, “My Name is Earl”, was cancelled, much to my dismay.

My attempt at an escape failed.

“Hey, Serena!” she called me called me over.

“What?” I snapped as I walked over to their table. I notice Cashier Guy grimacing as I came over.

She frowned at my rude response. “Ms. Houston told me that I should ask you to join Arithmates. She told me you had even higher marks than me.”

I detected flicker of sadness in her eyes as she said the last part. “Well, duh, of course my marks are higher. I spend my entire day practicing calculus. What else would I do all day?” 

“Oh, well, would you join?” I could see she was more relaxed now.

“Sure,” I answered slowly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Asshole looking confused. “You dropped your homework, Asshole,” I said casually as I set down the papers in front of him.

Great, so now I’m in Arithmates. I really hope this doesn’t get in the way of my T.V. time.

:::x:::O:::x:::

“Last Friday night, we were streaking through the park, skinny dipping in the dark.”

I grimaced as I slipped a twenty into Hera’s guitar case.

Hera was a middle-aged lady who liked to play her guitar in my neighborhood park for money every Tuesday, which was kind of stupid since no one was here on Tuesday. I’m pretty sure she was homeless too because she always smelled like rotten eggs and dog poop. I guess her name was kind of a weird coincidence considering she was named after the queen of gods.

“Good performance, bad song,” I murmured to her. She gave me a nod and a smile as she continued to sing that God awful song.

Hera liked to torture me with her choice in music. She knew I hated anything that wasn’t classical, but she also knew that I would give her a twenty anyways. So, she continuously pisses me off.

“I’m seriously not coming back next time,” I threatened her, but she kept singing Katy Perry knowing I always made empty threats.

I smiled at her a bit before going to sit at a picnic table and starting on my homework.