Painted Smiles [completed]

November 16-20

The ultimate sign of giving up is being friend zoned; and hardcore. Chelsea asking to be apart of my 'squad' was probably the first thing that set me off. I decided to completely ignore my feelings for her afterwards, so the whole first week of second term was basically a new beginning.

I spent most of first term chasing Chelsea, and now I didn't have to treat her like a princess. Now, she was basically just a friend. Not even that, actually.

In fact, I realized that if I never texted her first she wouldn't start a conversation with me. Letting go of her was easy. She never talks to me unless I talk to her first.

However, it's not like I ever expected her to like me. Although she was always on the edge, I never thought in a billion years that she would ever like me back.

At least that void was quickly filled.

The first day of second term was an atrocity. I still had band, but I also had a new English class, math class, and now I have gym instead of civics.

Granted, the day went better than expected. I knew a lot of people in my English class and math class. I didn't really have any friends in gym, but I did find a friend.

Kathleen was quite the sophomore. She was new to school, so Monday was her first day, and she was definitely strange. At first, she was shy and quiet like I was. The bittersweet silence before her friendly gestures were torture, but we soon started talking about our countless affinities.

We both loved watching Netflix on the weekends and listening to rock music. We both swore all the time and made jokes that were clever and immature. She was definitely smarter than me, taking the honors math class for the grade above her, but we both were complete children at heart.

She had such a nice physique. While talking, she would always slouch against a wall and lower her voice. She was probably as lazy as I was, but she also did ariel dancing. Her hair was brown and went down to her shoulders. Her makeup was always perfect and her clothing was usually standard girl things. Flannels, v-necks, etc. and leggings.

We became great friends over the week while Chelsea and I became less friends.

Kathleen offered to take me to an Ariel dance class one time, and to get me pizza, but I was evasive and unsure. I didn't want to get into anything that I wasn't ready for. I had just began overcoming Chelsea, and I was already going for an upperclassmen? Still, by the end of the week, I had fallen for her.

Kathleen was touchy and pushy. She was always completely obvious as to what she wanted to say or do. She would never sugarcoat anything, which was just how I liked it. I hate people who weasel out of situations. Still, I liked the toughness about her. Not only that, but I liked how supportive she was. She loved my hair, clothing, and personality.

I honestly think she likes me, but I'm not jumping to any conclusions. I don't want another Dolly or Chelsea situation. My plan is to be a lot more obvious, so I can either get it over with or start something. It's better that way.

Anyways, off the topic of crushes since I talk about that too much, Finch came back to visit a while ago.

She had basically a buzz cut, which looked so weird on her, but she was doing good. When I hugged her, I could feel how thin she was getting, but I knew she would try better to get right back in shape when chemo was done.

Since Finch has been gone, I've been hanging out with Ms. Fools and Ms. Hedging quite often. Fools was the nicest, most altruistic human being ever. She was one of those people who would lie, steal, cheat, and practically anything else to make someone she liked happy. It was quite the weakness, but it was also an amazing strength. It made her likable. Hedging, on the other hand, was the opposite. She was lazy, grouchy, and rude, but at least it was entertaining. It was hilarious to watch her groan in annoyance to about anything.

My new teachers were better. I started English having a tall, skinny male teacher and ended up switching teachers to a short, enthusiastic female teacher. I shipped them greatly since they both constantly talked about each other.

My math teacher now was a thousand times better than my other one. He was absolutely adorable. Although he had barely any emotion whenever he spoke, he always told jokes and seemed so enthusiastic about his job. I loved his class.

There wasn't much to talk about my gym teacher. She was fine, I suppose.

All together, I've been doing good. I don't feel a need to see my therapist anymore, and it's actually very cool. I feel accomplished. Maybe not as happy as I would like to be, but I'm in a good place.

Finally, I dyed my hair again on Friday. I added ice blonde highlights (silvery blonde) to match the upcoming winter weather. It looks amazing, actually!

P.S. Of Course I Got A Crush On Someone Else...