Less Than Three

Chapter 14: Sounds Like a Plan to Me

"Oh! I see! No moms allowed." As if that wasn't bad enough, she winked at me. In front of them. And said, "You three go ahead and have fun."

What could I say? Obviously, I had nothing better to do. I was standing in the ice cream line with my mother. Lame me and my kamikaze crunch addiction.

***

We walked downtown while we ate our ice cream. Craig and Dave shot off a few bottle rockets. We waved at passing cruisers and considered minor mayhem making opportunities. We settled on pretending to be foreign exchange students. From Madagascar. Who spoke only French. Un bon temps was had by all.

There's only so long you can keep that up though, especially if one of you got a B- in French class. By the time we passed the gas station, the boys were thirsty. We purchased Mega-Slurps and took them to the park.

One brain freeze later, I groaned and lay on top of a picnic table. Dave and Craig took the benches beside me. We talked. It was, shall we say, interesting. 

Almost as interesting as what was waiting for me at home on the blog. Did I say blog? I mean my, ahem, 'website'. 

9:02 PM Big wet smooches to all you lurkers (hbf and ibk too). Thanks for your suggestions for perfect first dates. Let's peruse:

ittybittykitty: I know it's not *unique* but I vote for a movie. That way you get to be together with a boy but you don't have too much pressure to come up with witty junk to say.

flowrgrrl: Have you considered bowling?

paperkut_cutie: Concerts are always the bestest dates.

Sk8t4U: Sk8tr grrls rawk!

princessbluesky: My perfect first date would start with the boy sending me flowers – roses would be nice. Then he'd pick me up and drive to a fancy restaurant. We'd have dinner by candlelight, then hit a great club and dance all night. He'd get one of those carriage ride thingies to drive us around in the moonlight after that.

herbestfriend: Cut. It. Out.

murderator: Perfect First Date = U + Me + My Backseat.

I responded.

dear itty: I hear you about the movie but, incredibly, talking is one of the things our hypothetical  date boy does BEST. And our hypothetical date girl is heaping full of witty junk to say. It's one of the reasons I think they would be good for each other (hypothetically, of course).

dear flowrgrrl: Yes. I have considered bowling. I wasn't sure they could get the karma of a first date right in rented shoes. Thanks anyway.

dear p-kutQT: I agree. Concerts are the best(est). Unfortunately, we live in a boring little town where the only musical opportunities include the Municipal Band (think oom pah pah) or the True Church of the Blessed Lamb's Grace of Heaven Quintet. Not the best(est).

dear sk8: TRU, but you must focus on the problem. BTW, sk8r boiz rawk 2

dear princess: I like this plan but there are glaring trouble spots:

First, our pretend boy's income is derived solely from pretend lawn mowing jobs and pretend allowance. I have it on good authority that said allowance has already been mostly spent on pretend explosives and Mega-Slurps. Second, the make believe boy is not old enough to have a driver's license. Or hit up a club. Third, they both have curfews. Sucks, I know. Love the carriage ride by moonlight though. Do you think it could be as effective on bikes?

dear herbestfriend: Cut what out? Notice the word 'hypothetical'.

dear murderator: uhh. thanks. but. no. thanks. (Neanderthal).

FYI ... Tonight I got the chance to:

A. Partake of Kamikaze Crunch.

B. Make much minor mayhem.

C. Ask two Real Live Boys about their perfect first dates.

Here's what they said:

Boy Number One: "I pick her up in my pimped out truck. She's wearing a cute little shirt with a nice skirt. We head over to the Burger Barn for dinner. We talk and joke and stuff. Then we go to the arcade and have a great time just messing around. Then I take her home and get a goodnight kiss."

dear one, You are the sweetest guy on the planet. Any girl would love to go out on a date like this with you. Problems to overcome: You don't own a pimped out truck and you can't drive for eight more months.

Boy Number Two: "I dunno. Maybe a night just like this, except without {Boy Number One} along. Oh, and pepperoni pizza."

dear two, How did I ever hate you?

P.S. Brady finally called!!!

Things I Love:

Secret Plans

First Dates

Chocolate Kamikaze Crunch

Mayhem avec mon amis

Forgiveness

Things I Hate:

Being the kind of girlfriend who needs to be forgiven.

Now to put the plan in action.

<3

Author Note: To celebrate the release of my new book DATING ON THE DORK SIDE (with co-author Charity Tahmaseb), I'm thinking about putting extra chapters up here all week. Would you guys get sick of me? http://www.amazon.com/Dating-Dork-Side-Charity-Tahmaseb-ebook/dp/B018KMNBI2/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1448888264&sr=1-2