Less Than Three

Chapter 13: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Craig returned in time to add, "Like you're the ollie expert now?"

"Summer? She's the best skater in town," Dave said.

"Ha."

"For a girl."

Ahem. 

"As I was saying, after a few weeks of hanging out, Jacob started flirting with Madison, showing off, stuff like that. Then Kiersten called Madison one night and said Jacob thought she was pretty. Long story short equals Jacob plus Madison."

"Uh," Dave said, "that doesn't technically qualify as a fix up."

"I didn't say it did. Remember my old boyfriend?"

"Which one?" Dave asked, at which point Craig snorted. The two of them spent a few minutes amusing themselves at my expense. Hmmmph. It's not like I've had that many boyfriends. I tried not to glare.

"T.C.," I clarified.

Dave was still clueless so Craig stepped in. "Short for The Cheater. She still refuses to speak his name."

As would anyone in my position. But that was ancient history. "Yeah, him. We'd just broken up when Madison had a big idea. Wouldn't it be cool if she and I were best friends and her boyfriend's friend and I were a couple?" I waited for some spark of recognition to show up on Dave's face. Nothing.

"You see, I didn't even really know the kid but, because I would do anything for Madison, I agreed to go to the movies with her and Jacob and the fix up boy." I closed my eyes to try to remember the moment more clearly and almost got lost in the nostalgia of the thing. 

Craig nudged me back to the present. "If you're going to tell the story, could you please get on with it?" 

"So Madison and I were standing in line at The Strand when Jacob and this boy skated up. I took a look and thought, whew, at least he looks good -- but it still felt sort of awkward. Then the boy said, 'This is sort of awkward, isn't it?' So I smiled at him. And when he smiled back, his whole face changed in this incredible way." I sat back and laced my fingers behind my head. Ahhh, memories.

Craig rolled his eyes.

Dave narrowed his. "And this proves ...?"

"Weren't you listening? That boy, the fix up, the one I didn't know anything about at all ... that boy was Brady."

I expected a light bulb to go off or something. Instead, Dave just sat there and shook his head. I knew I'd have to drive my point home a little firmer.

"It could happen to you too, Dave. You could be going along, barely even registering that someone exists, then BAM!" I smacked the table and upset his drink. "Next thing you know: True. Love."

Dave sighed while I tried to mop up the mess in front of him. Kiersten rushed over with a pile of clean napkins. I was dabbing at a spot spreading over Dave's heart when he said, "You really like Brady, don't you?"

"Duh," I said. "What's not to like?"

He stopped my hand and took the napkin from me. I looked up, but when my eyes met his, I turned away. I was not about to get trapped in there again. He released my hand and shoved his chair away from the table.

"Okay."

"So you'll do it?"

"Sure. Fine. Whatever."

So I'd work on the enthusiasm later.

***

If I thought getting Dave to agree was tough, it was nothing compared to signing Madison up for the program.

"There's a small detail you're overlooking," she told me.

"What's that?" I was scrolling through her song collection, moving all the lame, sad ones to the bottom of the list.

"I already have a boyfriend."

"I'm not asking you to marry Dave," I said, "just to spend a little time with him, as a favor to me. I mean, if Brady sees Dave hanging out and being friendly with other girls, then maybe he won't be so worried about ... you know."

"That's your only motive?" She pulled her phone out of my hand, selected an album by Mark and the Melancholies, and tapped PLAY.

"Would it kill you to explore the possibility of other guys?"

"Would it kill you to keep your nose out of my love life?" she answered.

"It's not just for me," I told her. "I was thinking maybe Jacob could use a wake-up call." I wasn't really thinking that but the sudden interest on Madison's face let me know I should have been.

"Explain," she said.

I told her my theory on biology and the survival of the species, the one where the king of beasts always desires the lioness he has to fight for.

"So you're saying if another boy looks like he's interested in me, then Jacob might ..."

She stopped so I finished her thought, "Might realize how lucky he is to have you."

That got her gears turning. "And you think Dave would maybe, you know, like, play along with this?"

"Play along with it? Madison, he's all bursting with excitement about the idea."

"Did he say that?"

"I didn't record his exact words, but yeah, he's pumped."

She blushed and smiled. "Well if he's pumped, then I certainly wouldn't want to hurt his feelings." She bit her lower lip. "Sure," she said. "I'll do it."

I excused myself to go work out the particulars. Madison stopped me when I got to her bedroom door. "I don't want to read about this on your blog," she said.

Who, me?

5:54 PM Bonus Term of the Day: Primogenial -- First born or made

Calling All Lurkers! What makes a PRIMO primogenial date?

Just for giggles, let's say you know a girl and you know a guy. She's gorgeous and he's (for the sake of argument) cute. He's also smart and funny (hypothetically, of course) and so is she. Let's pretend our made-up boy is currently girlfriend-less and the girl is, I dunno, maybe: Wasting Her Life Away With a Turd.

Say you might want to get these two together. Because you just *know* it could work. IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A PERFECT FIRST DATE?

I know mine would probably include pepperoni pizza, a little innocent mayhem, then a walk, a talk and a kiss. Oh, and if we're dreaming ... I'll take a blue-haired boy!!! But that's me, not our imaginary girl. She might not be so easy to please.

Let's see ... pizza's OK, but hold the pepperoni. The hypothetical girl doesn't eat hypothetical meat. Mayhem? She can be a mayhem kind of kid but she has to be in the mood. Walking? OK. Talking? Yes definitely. Kissing? I guess that depends on how the rest of the date went .

It's got to be unique. And they have to have time to connect. I know firsthand, you need to spend a little quality time with our imaginary boy before you can begin to see his imaginary true qualities. 

So, what say you, fine denizens of the interwebs? Perfect first date annnnnnnddddd ... GO!

<3

Come back for a new chapter on Monday!