The Only One {Harry Styles AU}

8. Now pt. 2

The next day, I didn't wait for you to pass by my usual spot by the carpark. I knew I needed to find you, to apologise for what you'd heard...but I was so scared. I just couldn't face you yet.

Instead, I spent my free time with the lads in the music room, rehearsing for the showcase. We decided to play our older songs (stuff maybe you heard on our YouTube), like Change My Mind, about my friendship with Abigail turning into more, written years later, obviously. And Little White Lies, about the night I first met Fern, out at a club, and what I thought would be a one-off. And Midnight Memories, about the drunken escapades Fern and I and all our friends shared in London.

But I had a new song.

"I know it's last minute, but it's pretty straightforward," I said to Liam and Louis that morning. "And I've got a melody in mind, if that's okay."

"Let's hear it," Louis shrugged good-naturedly. We had a process, which we stuck to pretty solidly: I wrote lyrics, Liam and Lou paired them with melodies they'd created, then Niall and I added the rhythm. Zayn was really fast at picking up lyrics and melodies, so he often learned new songs a day or two before the shows. So, it was out of turn, me writing the melody. And I was glad they didn't mind.

I sang it to them, my voice cracking a couple of times, especially when I sang, "your words cut like knives," and "if he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight."

Liam looked at me intently, quietly. "It's great, Haz. What's it called?"

"Tell Me a Lie."

Louis coughed out his water. "Harry," he chided me, "no."

I looked up at him sadly. "I don't want her back, Lou. I just...I just wish I didn't know." I rubbed my hands over my face. "It would be easier if I didn't know."

"Shit, man, life would be easier if I were rich, if we had a record deal, if if if." Louis threw his hands up. "You can't focus on what might have been or on what should have been. You have to focus on what is. And she is a fuckin cheat. You're better off knowing, trust me."

"I guess."

"He's right, Haz. If you didn't know the truth, you might not be ready to let her go."

I wasn't so sure. I had accepted that we were over. But I hadn't accepted that we weren't even going to be friends, that we were never going to talk. I had been able to call Abigail a friend again once the wounds of our break up were healed. But with Fern... I hadn't counted on this betrayal, this absolutely fucking gut-wrenching pain. It made me feel...worthless. As it turned out, with Fern, even our attempts at friendship were full of fucking games. From the very start all the way through to now, Fern was always toying with my emotions. It was like she got some sort of sick pleasure out of it.

And as we sat there, coming up with the guitar and synth tracks for the song, I realised just how bad the relationship really had been. Niall was right the other day when he said it was miserable. I don't want to have friends like that, so I decided that I was well and truly done with Fern. And a wave of relief flooded over me. I mean, I felt good for the first time in weeks. I felt a lightness, a joy and confidence I hadn't felt in a long time. She was the problem, not me. And she wasn't my problem anymore.

Niall and Zayn joined us after a little while, and we rehearsed our full set, including the new song. At the end of the night, as we were leaving, I saw you up ahead, walking with a group of people (Dave and Leah and Brandon, I now know). When you turned to talk to Dave, the light glinted off tears streaked down your cheeks, your eyes puffy and red, but you all were laughing together. Louis nudged me, urging me to go talk to you. I glanced at him, noticing that Liam was so engrossed in a conversation with Zayn that he hadn't yet spotted you. Probably would've tackled you in a creepy hug if he had.