Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 14 ~ Hangover & Eleanor

“Oh right, about that. Harry came to see you and told me to tell you he can’t make it today. Apparently, he lost a bet with Hannah and has to drive around Manchester in a pink car with Barbie Girl blasting out loud. Don’t worry, Peter went with them to get it all recorded,” she smiles so amused with the idea and I find myself smiling, too, but I stop before she notices it.

Now Harry… pink car… Barbie Girl… What the fuck happened last night?

“And why didn’t you go with him to make sure it was a good shot?” I ask drinking all what I have left of water.

“’Cos I had to take care of you. I wanted to make sure you were fine but I didn’t want to awaken you.”

I blink surprised, clearly not expecting that. Why is she doing this? She is only confusing me further. She acts like she cares about me, not only changing me, fixing me, whatever; but she seems to care about my wellbeing as well. Why? Why is she always so confusing?

“Well, you can go now, if you want. Don’t forget to drink a lot of water, you’ll feel better,” she reminds me and she steps back, but I stop her.

“Kay, what happened last night?” she stops and doesn’t turn around and I’m afraid.

“So you really don’t remember how you… how you kissed me? How you told me you loved me and couldn’t live without me? You almost asked me to marry you! Louis, how could you?!”

I freeze, feeling all my muscles tensing as panic runs in my veins. No, that didn’t happen, that couldn’t have happened!

Kay starts laughing and when she turns around to meet my eyes, I know she was only teasing me. “Silly, nothing happened. You drank all on your own, got drunk, then you were too dizzy to get back alone so I brought you. Once your head touched that pillow, you were knocked out.”

I can’t believe that for a second I almost bought her show. What a–– What a–– “Bitch,” I tell her and she smiles again, wider.

“Again, that’s been stated before, no need to be repetitive, love.”

I want to yell at her, I want to tell her all the bad things I can think of, but I know that if I do, I will only encourage her and I will end up with a worse headache, so instead of that I turn impassive, I wear my indifference mask as I get out of bed and walk past her.

I know that this gets a reaction from her, she stops laughing and she knows the game is over. I won again.

+ + + + +

Yeah, don’t think I’m an idiot. I do remember what happened last night now. In the morning it was a bit blurry and I didn’t want to try because it made it worse, and I was in enough pain. But I do remember how she helped me and how I hugged her —I still can’t believe I did that— and how I asked her why… I asked her what’s been killing me all this time and she confessed to care about me, maybe too much. She also confessed she wouldn’t like me to know this. Is this the reason why she was so nervous when I woke up? Because she was afraid I’d remember what she said last night? Well, I do… and I don’t believe her. Why would she say that to Grimmy if she cares? Why would she say I’m just a project if she cares? No, it doesn’t make any sense.

So, to avoid thinking of that and getting a headache again —God bless water, so good when you have a hangover— I leave. We have the day off and I was supposed to go out with Harry. He insisted that it’s been so long since we had done something together and he missed his best friend. When he said he wasn’t bringing Hannah along I accepted. Plus, I had to buy some things. Now he is paying a bet and I’m glad he is driving that pink car, that’s what he gets for being with that ginger soulless girl. I want to buy some things, so it’s good to go out and breathe some fresh air. Johnny, one of the guards that are always with us, is near just in case we bump into some fans. It sucks that we can’t go out alone, not even on a date. There’s always someone around, even more if we’re on tour because everyone knows where we are. Still, Johnny tries to stay as far as he can so I have the illusion that I’m alone, but I know… I know he is around.

I go into many shops, buying clothes and things for my mum and sisters. I’ll see them soon, Mum’s been calling me a lot, nagging me to see her because she misses her Boo bear. And maybe I need some time with a woman I can trust.

Despite everything, Manchester is a good city and I quite like it. The shops are great and what can I say? Sometimes I feel like a shopaholic. When you have more money than what you can spend, buying everything you want even if you don’t need it becomes so easy you don’t even feel it anymore.

I’m on my way to buy some shades when I hear her. I freeze as recognition hits me. We were together for a long time, I would recognise her voice anywhere. Sometimes I still have dreams, or nightmares, where her voice haunts me, laughs at me. Sometimes they are memories that make me even angrier. And this time is her laughter, the same sound I hear in my nightmares when she is with him, with Eric.

Slowly, I turn around and I see her, laughing in the shoulder of a slim and tall boy with dirty blond hair, in casual clothes who is laughing too. Both are holding Starbucks cups and they haven’t seen me. He does not look like the guy I pictured in my mind, but he is with her, he must be Eric. Eric and Eleanor in Manchester, in the same shop that me.

How fucking lucky am I?

I clench my fists as I feel my anger boiling in my veins again. He is the one who took her away, he is the one who stole my girlfriend, he is the guy who is better than me, the one for whom she left me. He is Eric, and he is holding her, laughing with her, kissing her temple, being a couple.

I still hate him. I hate him so much for being what I can’t be. For being better than I am.

I feel the urge to go there and face them, to make this awkward for them, to ruin their perfect afternoon together. To grab those cups and throw the content at their faces, but I hold it back. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply.

I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

I’m over this, it’s part of the past. She replaced me, she fell in love with Eric and as she left me for him, she will leave him for another better guy at the end. He will be a victim, just like me. In a way, I feel sorry for him. I know what he will have to go through so I won’t make things more difficult for him.

I won’t go there and make a scene because I’m better than this.

I turn on my heels and walk away leaving the couple in the shop, oblivious to my presence and the fact that I saw them. I finally know how he looks like.

Despite feeling sorry for him and what he will have to go through, I’m still angry. What does he have that I don’t? Why couldn’t I be enough for Eleanor? He doesn’t look much different from me, maybe taller, but he is nothing special, just a normal bloke. Why did Eleanor choose him over me? Why, if so many fans would do anything to be with me, didn’t Eleanor have enough? The fans don’t even know me but they want to be with me, but Eleanor who knew me so well didn’t love me nor want me anymore because she found Eric. Why?

What hurts is not that she is with another man, or that she doesn’t love me anymore. What hurts is that I wasn’t enough for her. And if I wasn’t enough for her, how can I be enough for someone else? There will always be someone better, even if that person looks as ordinary as Eric.

Angry, disappointed and hurt, I walk towards Starbucks. I know what I’ll do next.