America could be a new start for me, I had nothing tying me down here, I had no reason to stay. Although a new start sounds scary, it also seems quite easy. Nobody will know who I used to be, they will only know who I choose to be. I can pretend to be confident, I can pretend to be cool, I can be someone new.
I decided that today I was going to wear a navy jumper and black jeans, it may have been 38°c but I still didn't want to show skin. I got dressed after having a quick shower.
I started to look around my room deciding what I would take with me to my new life in LA. I was unsure if we would be taking our furniture with us so I went to the kitchen to ask my mum. "Are we taking furniture with us?", I asked Mum.
"No, shipping is way too expensive, it'll be cheaper to get new furniture when we arrived", Mum replied.
I wasn't sure how I felt about this, I've had the same furniture for years and years and suddenly I would be getting rid of it all, but it left me with the choice to choose furniture that actually suited me.
I looked around the rest of my room and I couldn't find much I actually wanted to take with me, some books and CDs but nothing else. I guess I hadn't really formed an emotional attachment to any of my possessions, I don't feel attached to much these days. I miss when I used to get attached to things and be passionate about things, now I can only seem to feel indifferent about things. I'm in a constant state of numbness.
Maybe I can sell some of my stuff in a garage sale to try and make a bit of extra money to get new stuff. I think that in our next house I may try and have a pretty looking room, a place that I can feel safe in and not embarrassed to bring friends into it. That's assuming that I make friends, I think if I try hard to seem normal and cool I'll make at least one friend. It's been awhile since I've had a friend. Currently the only friends I have are my siblings.
I started sorting things into piles, keeping, selling and throwing away. A lot of stuff was cheap tacky stuff that I knew I wouldn't be able to sell so it would be easier just to throw it away.
I spent the rest of the day tidying and organising, but after dinner I decided to catch up on YouTube. It was Connors day on O2l so it was the best day.
A.N
I don't think I'll ever really get into writing this book, but I'm just starting my summer holidays so you never know.
