Fun in the Oven

Chapter 2

A week later, since the morning vomiting hadn't stopped, Harley went to consult the doctor about what could possibly be wrong with her. And the shriek of joy when the doctor informed her she was pregnant could probably have been heard all the way in Metropolis. Harley drove home from the hospital absolutely elated, trying to figure out the best way to tell puddin' the good news.

Harley considered plan after plan, but they all seemed imperfect somehow. She wanted this to be the most special moment of both of their lives, until the baby was born, of course.

She had considered putting a jack-in-the-box in the oven holding a bun, that would spring out when he opened it, but then she realized Mr. J never cooked. Then she thought maybe putting a note saying You're gonna be a Daddy! in his sock drawer would be a good plan, when she realized she always fetched Mr. J's socks for him. And then she thought baking him a cake saying We're expecting! was a great idea, before she remembered she couldn't bake.

Finally, she resolved that simple straightforwardness was best way, so a few weeks later, she knocked nervously on the door to his study. Joker hadn't left the room in several days - the world was dead to him when he was working on one of his schemes, and he was irritated at being disturbed from them now.

"What?" he snapped.

Harley judged by his tone that now was a bad time. "Don't worry, puddin', it's nothing," she said, popping her head in the door. "I'll tell ya later..."

"Tell me what?" he demanded, rounding on her. His eyes widened in a mixture of shock and horror. "What the hell have you done to your hair?!" he demanded.

"My hair?" repeated Harley. She glanced in the mirror. "Oh...I stopped dying it. You know I ain't a natural blonde, puddin'..."

"You were blonde when we met," he snapped.

"I...dyed my hair then, puddin'..." said Harley, slowly. "But...but I ain't gonna do that for...a little while..."

"Why not? It looks awful," snapped Joker. "You don't look at all like Harley. Harley is blonde. You ain't Harley if you ain't blonde. Go dye it right now and stop bothering me," he said, returning to his work.

"I...I can't do that, puddin'," said Harley, slowly.

He turned slowly back around to face her. "You can't do what I just ordered you to do?" he hissed.

"No," she stammered. "I..."

"You what?!" he shouted, standing up furiously. "What is it?! Why are you making this into a huge deal?! Just go dye your goddamn hair!"

"It is a huge deal, puddin'," pleaded Harley. "I can't..."

"Don't you dare defy me, you little slut, or I'll beat you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week!"

"You...you can't hit me, Mr. J," stammered Harley, tears coming to her eyes. "Please...please just calm down..."

"You give me one good reason why I shouldn't slap you so hard your head spins!" hissed Joker, raising his fist.

Harley stared back at him, tears falling down her face. This wasn't how she had wanted to tell him, begging him not to hurt their baby. And this wasn't how she was gonna tell him, she vowed suddenly.

"I...gotta go, Mr. J," she gasped, racing from the room.

"Harley! Harley, get back here, you little brat!" shouted Joker, racing after her. But Harley was out the front door and in the car before Joker had even reached the threshold. He watched her drive off, furious. "Yeah, get outta here, ya ungrateful dame!" he shouted. "You're in for such a beating when you get back! Stupid kid," he muttered, returning to his study and slamming the door.

The phone rang suddenly. "Harley, get that!" shouted Joker. "Harley! Oh, that's right, she's run off," he grumbled, answering it himself. "Hello?"

"J, where's Harley?" asked Two-Face, surprised.

"She ran off after I tried to hit her for interrupting me," said Joker. "So, y'know, maybe it's not a good time to interrupt me, Harv."

"O...K. A couple of us were coming round to mine to watch the game tonight. You in?"

"Who's a couple of us?" asked Joker.

"Me, Cobblepot, Scarface, and Crane."

"Crane?" repeated Joker. "Why? I can tell by looking at him the only games he's ever watched have been chess matches."

"He said one of the players was a former student of his, and he wants to see him fail," replied Two-Face.

Joker checked his watch. "Yeah, should have time to finish up. Be over in about an hour?"

"See you then," said Two-Face.

Joker put down the phone, smiling. "Now see, guys," he said, happily. "Just saying what they mean. No tricks, no riddles, unless you're Nygma, but he can hardly be considered a guy. Just straight, honest, plain speaking. Why can't women be more like that?"